He was supposed to be my friend
by Pink Bubblez
Summary: C+M But will Joey's undying love for Monica rip them apart please R+R **DARK**
1. It all starts today

He Was Supposed To Be My Friend  
  
(Authors Notes :: This story is written by TWO people but got to go under my name cuz it was my idea but my girl helped out ALOT , So go read her stories " My Story " and "Can Their Relationship Last? " be sure to check those out. Also we might be writtin another story to go under her name so check it out shes a magician with words thanx girlie for helpin write this with me:)  
  
( Disclaimer :: We do not own the F*R*I*E*N*D*S characters though i do sometimes think what i would do if i owned the guys... ugh well at least Chan and Joey * drools* ok read this story its incredibly good though i must warn you it gets incredibly dark so if you dont like those.. dont read and if you dont like it, who cares for all of those who do please reveiw tankie :)  
  
She loved the feeling he gave her, even his mere presence seemed to fill her with a sense of safety and well being. She marveled at the way he could make her feel, especially when they made love, they seemed to fit perfectly together. His masculine arms wrapped themselves around her. As she lay she takes in the fragrance of his skin. Life before Chandler was meaningless, it now held so much promise so much potential.  
  
"I love you " she whispered into his chest, as he slept. He inhaled and lifted her head with his rising chest she smiled to herself. They hadn't been together long but she already knew that he was the one, he was her everything, he was her Chandler.  
  
His love for her was expressed only physically, he hadn't yet said the words yet, the words that signify commitment, scared the bejesus out of him even with Monica. He was afraid to get close to her, what was he trying to save himself from?  
  
The morning light shown dim through Monica's half pulled curtains, her eyes fluttered slightly at the feel of sun in them so soon. They had gotten to bed late last night and it was now beginning to take its toll. She lifted herself to a sitting position glancing quickly at Chandler who hadn't seemed to change positions all night, maybe because she was laying on him.  
  
A long wisp of hair fell in front of her eyes as her head turned, she closed her eyes as a reflex to the soft brush across her eyes, she left them shut for a few seconds it felt so good for them to shut she was incredibly tired.  
  
Just before she had forced her eyes open she felt a large hand move the hair off her face, knowing who it was, she smiled big. Her eyes opened slowly to see a sleepy Chandler staring up to her with the same goofy smile on his face.  
  
"Morning "  
  
she let herself lay back down on his chest  
  
"morning "  
  
he rubbed her hair which made her sleepier but she wouldn't dare tell him to stop. It had been awkward to start a relationship with him, especially one with such physicality as it had come to have.  
  
"Sleep well? "  
  
his voice sounding hoarse from lack of letting himself wake up fully before initiating a conversation.  
  
" not enough " she said with a small laugh  
  
"I agree " he said reaching a hand up to rub his eyes during a yawn.  
  
" What time is it? "  
  
Monica leaned off him to look at the clock  
  
"you don't wanna know "  
  
she collapsed back onto him  
  
"7:48 " she finally said with a yawn of her own.  
  
"Oh my God ... its too early to be awake " he whined with a boyish charm that made Monica's smile reappear.  
  
He shifted himself to lay on his side  
  
"I have an idea....let sleep 'til noon " he said nudging the pillow so to make a comfy spot for his head  
  
"work " Monica simply said.  
  
Chandler moaned in protest. Monica mocked him pushing herself up to a sitting position again.  
  
"Come on "  
  
She tugged at the pillow Chandler had thrown over his head, more moans of protest came from him while she playfully shook him until he got up.  
  
"You're evil " he said playfully while pulling his pants up to his hips.  
  
"You know you love me "  
  
Hearing her say those words so casually made him cringe slightly, Monica has definitely been the most amazing person he had ever been with but love? He wanted to say he was in .. "love" but he couldn't lie to himself he liked her a great deal but love wasn't leaving his tongue anytime soon, at least not in the next month.  
  
"All right I'm off to ... count some numbers, because if I don't. it doesn't really matter " Chandler said with the sad realization that his whole day would revolve around something called a WENUS.  
  
He sighed and kissed Monica good-bye  
  
"ill call you " he said heading for his apartment to get ready for work  
  
And almost on cue four other people entered her quiet apartment, making it full of argument and chatting. Monica was met with a kiss on the cheek from Ross who she hadn't seen for almost a week due to his dinosaur emergencies at the museum.  
  
Rachel had spent the night with Joey. She had strong feelings for him but knew that the feelings weren't mutual. Why didn't he like her as much as she liked him? They were nothing serious yet, they had only been officially dating for about a month now but have been sleeping together for much longer, becoming friends with "benefits".  
  
Rachel wanted so much more with him, but it was painful to realize that she wouldn't get it. Her eyes were on him while he sat at the table, the look of sorrow was clearly in her eyes. Monica knew that they must have had a fight. Again.  
  
Monica selfishly found herself thinking that she was the luckiest woman in the world to have a man who loved her back, so what if he hadn't said it yet. He needs time I mean it is after all Chandler.  
  
"Well, what'll it be guys " Monica said going into waitress mode  
  
"oh I'm good Mon I just ate " Joey said looking up from his magazine  
  
"I went with Joey " Phoebe said after partly regretting she had reminded Rachel of her morning with Joey, reminding her that her "boyfriend" spent more time away from her than with her.  
  
"I have to go now Mon thanks anyway though "  
  
Rachel forced a smile she got up from the table eyeing Joey the whole time. When his eyes didn't meet hers she looked to the floor and went about her business unintentionally slamming the door on her way out.  
  
Joey took a deep breath filled with annoyance he excused himself from the table and followed Rachel out the door slightly slamming it himself.  
  
"Trouble in paradise " Ross said with a smirk holding out a coffee cup while Monica poured.  
  
She looked to Phoebe  
  
"I didn't do it " Phoebe said defending herself.  
  
"So you guys don't want ... anything?" Monica asked while pushing Rachel and Joey's chairs back into place.  
  
They shook their heads " no " without speaking.  
  
Monica felt almost unneeded at all now that she had the day off from breakfast duty, the break was welcomed but felt empty. She knew Rachel was in the mood for something to eat, Joey had been giving her such an awful time she hardly ever ate. Much like the way she did in the end of her relationship with Ross.  
  
Monica was worried about Rachel, no doubt about it, but she selfishly let herself think of Chandler at work playing computer games, or maybe actually working. Her thoughts were interrupted by Ross.  
  
"well how's life with Bing? " he said half being sincere half being the big over protective big brother.  
  
Monica could only smile, before she could respond a loud slam of another door made them all jump and face the door.  
  
They could hear the muffled sounds of Joey yelling to Rachel. Then there was silence and the door slowly opened, and they heard Joey roughly shut his door again. Rachel walked in tears flowing from her eyes, she walked to her bedroom and without saying a word or making eye contact shut her door. They could hear her sobbing but none of them knew what to do.  
  
Phoebe had felt part to blame, but she knew it was bound to happen. Monica found herself enraged, why was Joey treating her so miserably? Monica had spent many nights talking with Rachel about their relationships and Rachel always seemed so happy. What had happened?  
  
Instead she lightly taped on Rachel's door, with permission , she walked in and let the door shut behind her. Ross and Phoebe excused themselves and left, why stay and feel awkward?  
  
  
  
The shrill ring of the phone broke the silence of the two friends, they both jumped at the sudden sound. Rachel wiped her tears and meekly answered  
  
"hello ? ... yeah she's here Chandler "  
  
Monica's heart skipped a beat and she felt herself smiling, even through the severity of the situation. Rachel didn't hand over the phone instead she seemed to be listening to Chandler speak.  
  
Monica hoped he wasn't telling her to say hi for him and was hanging up. Rachel spoke again breaking Monica's train of thought  
  
"I'm fine .... No really Chand...."  
  
She smiled a little while still talking to Chandler  
  
"thank you ... here she is "  
  
With those last three words Rachel broke down crying again.  
  
Monica gave Rachel a look asking if she needed her off the phone.  
  
"No no .. you talk to your man" she said faking a smile.  
  
She got up to go to her room, she turned to Monica and pointed.  
  
"I'll be here" she moved her lips but no words came out.  
  
"What's wrong with Rachel? "  
  
Monica moved to the window seat so Rachel wouldn't hear Monica explain to Chandler  
  
"She broke up with Joey "  
  
Monica looked to Rachel's door.  
  
"What? why?"  
  
Monica shook her head while she spoke  
  
"They have just been falling apart and she ...she is a wreck I feel so bad for her"  
  
"Aww well that sucks... "  
  
He felt a little awkward because he wasn't calling to hear about Rachel but the sudden news had caught him off guard  
  
"I know... But well what's new with you?  
  
He silently thanked Monica for changing subject.  
  
"Just inputting numbers .. this company would fall apart if it weren't for my numbers"  
  
He joked and they both smiled.  
  
"I cant wait till you can come to see me "  
  
Chandler smirked  
  
"yeah I cant wait either but ... "  
  
She knew what that "but" meant. Her smile quickly faded.  
  
"Oh Chandler no you promised! "  
  
"I know and I'm sorry but Doug is leaving early and I have to fill in for him. He's my boss Mon I can't say no"  
  
She understood but hated too.  
  
"Well what time will you be home?"  
  
"Late .. I'm sorry .. but hey ill be sure to stop over and tell you good night .."  
  
She heard someone talking in the background  
  
"Mon that's Doug I have to go now... "  
  
"OK... ill see you later"  
  
'I love you' was on the tip of her tongue but she keeps it in.  
  
Chandler smiled  
  
"see ya "  
  
She wanted to tell him that she loved him but, had no way of going about it without scaring him, I mean come on it was Chandler. But she couldn't deny her feelings for him.  
  
She went to comfort Rachel more but found that she had fallen asleep. So Monica too went to bed, not falling asleep at first but pretty quickly because of the late night she had.  
  
She found herself waking up to the sound of her front door, and she felt herself growing slightly excited. She knew who it was. Her door creaked when it was opened and Monica turned to face the man standing in her room.  
  
A very tired looking Chandler  
  
" hey " she said with a small smile  
  
" Shhh "  
  
Chandler said as he crawled into her bed, she welcomed him in with a passionate kiss.  
  
"I'm so glad you're here "  
  
He climbs into her bed kicking off his shoes on the way, he lay beside her and held his upper body up with his shoulders looking down at her silhouette through the darkness she was so beautiful, and she was his only.  
  
"Looks like no sleep tonight" he played and leaned in for another kiss.  
  
His lips met hers and he felt her arm come up around his neck pulling him closer to her. Chandler pushed past her lips and their tongues intertwined, she moaned slightly into his mouth when she let herself react to what was going to happen.  
  
Chandler moved himself under the sheet the cascaded over Monica's body, he was surprised to find that she was wearing his t-shirt and panties nothing more. She grunted a little to the feel of Chandler's weight on top of her, he was a slender guy but she felt him pressing into her.  
  
His hands began to roam starting at her stomach and letting themselves slide down to the edge of her shirt to her surprise his hand kept roaming the length of her thigh. She smiled against his lips and his hand was brought back up to her face. He pulled his face up and she followed him begging and longing for his mouth to be with hers.  
  
Her needs were becoming clear to Chandler as she pushed him to lay on his side. He loved it when she insisted on taking control. She lay him down on his back and with one quick movement she was on top of his furiously kissing him, that which he loved too.  
  
She let her hand slip from its stationary position at his side, holding her body up. She sat fully on him grinding herself against him, she loved the small noises he made while she teased him. She went back to her duties of working Chandler belt buckle lose.  
  
While Monica worked at his belt Chandler lay helpless under her, she was freakishly strong, but who was he kidding it wasn't like he was going to fight her off. With one quick move Monica ripped the belt off Chandler, he was shocked she could do it without him needing to move.  
  
The sudden jerk at his pants made Chandler as anxious as Monica. He helped her by sliding his hand through the side rim of her lacy black panties. She looked down at the hand that play on her and gave him a smirk along with her raised eye brow.  
  
Within minutes Chandler was the dominant one with Monica laying under him, he worked the buttons on her shirt all the while passionately kissing her. They both lay exposed, his kisses became more concentrated rather than quick and to the point. He lay on her with his hand at the side of her face.  
  
She noticed his sudden change of pace.  
  
"Are you ok "  
  
She whispered close to his ear. He didn't answer instead he just smiled and let a hand drop away from her face, and slide down the side of her leaving in its wake thousands of tiny goosebumps. Monica sighed heavily.  
  
Chandler lifts himself off Monica when his hand met her inner thigh, he gently pushed her legs open and with his knee he parted them even more. He used his other hand to bring the other leg up he looked down at her underneath him his eyes met hers and leaned back onto her.  
  
She could feel him hard against her leg and she reached a hand down to help guide him towards her opening. He loved the feel of her hands on him and helped her by taking hold of himself and bringing his body closer. He pressed into her slightly and she moaned a little to the feel of him so close to her.  
  
She brought her hands back up around his neck and there was a moment they looked into each others eyes and it was as if time stood still, the world had stopped just for them and this incredible moment they were about to share.  
  
The door to the apartment opened quietly to reveal a worn out Joey, he headed to Rachel's room. He stopped suddenly and listened intently at the noise that seemed to fill the quiet dark apartment. His eyes grew narrow as he listened to the sounds of Chandler and Monica.  
  
Chandler kissed Monica half muffling her moans of pleasure, he loved how he could please her. She grabbed ahold of his hips and helped to guide him inside her at a steadier faster pace.  
  
"Chandler"  
  
She breathed out for him to hear.  
  
Joey looked to the floor the sound of Monica filled his ears he closed his eyes and wished he would have stayed in bed. and that that was his name she was moaning. He turned to exit the apartment and did so making a brief stop to the cabinet under the sink, he grabbed a white bottle with a strong label and even stronger proof.  
  
He finally had made it to the safety of the hall , she couldn't be heard here, he thought to himself as his took a long drink from the bottle labeled "Malibu Rum ".  
  
Chandler's breathing like Monica's was fast. He lay with his head on her chest while he caught his breath, Monica's breath steadied before his. She soaked in the feel of him still inside her. She smiles at the scene that replays in her head.  
  
Chandler leaned up to kiss her. He rolled over to her side, she rolled to meet him and she draped his slightly sweaty arm over her. She buried her face in his chest and he could feel her smiling against him.  
  
"I .... I love you " Chandler said and to his own surprise it felt incredible to say.  
  
Her eyes grew wide and her smile got bigger she leaned her head up to him and looked as if she were going to cry, he wondered for a moment if he had said it wrong or at the wrong time.  
  
"Oh Chandler .....I love you too" she said moving up to kiss him.  
  
He marveled at how wonderful that felt to hear her speak those words and even more wonderful that they were directed to him. He kissed her back and lay with her on the bed his breathing startin to normalize. He kissed her head slowly before falling asleep next to the woman he loved.  
  
Monica turned and was woken up by the sound of sobbing coming from Rachel's bedroom. She looked to the clock.  
  
"Oh my God 3:42 am"  
  
But her friend needed her, besides if Monica ever needed her Rachel would get up anytime for her. Monica looked at Chandler through the darkness he was laying on his stomach with his arms buried up under his pillow, he looked that much more desirable when he was sleeping.  
  
She was careful not to move too suddenly, Chandler had worked a long day and she wouldn't want to wake him.  
  
Success. She had gotten out of bed without even disrupting his breathing.  
  
She got to her feet and grabbed the shirt she had been wearing earlier and made her way through the darkness to the door. Her hands held out so's not to run into anything, her eyes open wide desperately trying to see, she stumbled over Chandlers shoes and froze when she heard him shifting around the bed , then settle exhaling hard.  
  
"Damn shoes"  
  
The door knob made contact with Monica's hand. She had made it out now repeating her motions eyes wide, hands held straight out to her sides she made her way through the dark living room. She saw a tiny beam of light coming from under Rachel's door, a thin ray of light that almost looked creepy in this darkness.  
  
The sobs and sniffles became louder as Monica approached the door. She knocked almost so light she thought Rachel hadn't even heard.  
  
Rachel jumped at the sudden interruption  
  
"Come... come in"  
  
She prayed it wasn't Joey.  
  
"Hey " Monica said with a weak smile her eyes red from lack of sleep her hair a mess and mascara laying on her lower eye lid.  
  
"Oh hey I'm sorry I woke you ,.. go back to sleep"  
  
Rachel's eyes were a bright crimson, the mass of crumbled tissues laid bunched up on her night table. She seemed oblivious to the time or the reason in which Monica had appeared.  
  
"I didn't wake Chandler did I? "  
  
Rachel's eye wide as her question was answered.  
  
"No honey you didn't,... "  
  
Monica sat herself down on the floor with Rachel, just letting her cry for awhile knowing that it was what she needed. She offered her shoulder and watched the minutes slowly pass by.  
  
"I'm sorry Rach ..." She finally offered. "I mean for what its worth I know its hard, when Richard and I broke up I. "  
  
She was interrupted by Rachel. She spoke out of turn but didn't seem to care.  
  
"I'm pregnant"  
  
Monica gasped to herself, and frantically tried to think of something to say.  
  
"He broke up with me because I'm pregnant ..... with his baby, a baby that he says will ruin his career not to mention his life, and that if I chose to do this then I do it alone"  
  
She wiped her eyes and sniffled. Monica wished there were something she could say to make everything better for Rachel but she felt her hatred grow for Joey.  
  
"Oh my God honey I'm ... I ... I'm sorry I'm so sorry. I had no idea..."  
  
"Neither did I, I've known that he doesn't love me or that he probably never did. I just .. I didn't want to admit it ya know, I mean its Joey. I love him."  
  
The conversation dragged on until day was threatening to appear, another sleepless night for Monica. She gave her condolences yet again and apologized for having to go to bed. But bed is where she went and left still crying Rachel to think to herself. 


	2. And then there was two

(Authors Note: This is the second chapter to " He was supposed to be my friend" I wrote this along with "Courteney Fan" Be sure to check her stories out shes a very gifted writer, truly good with words even though shs had bad blockage throught this whole story, its all good though. But this is OUR story, we hope you like it if not well, you know where to kiss ) (Disclaimer : We do not own any of the friends characters i would just be naughty with Joey if i did though. Please reveiw. But i dont want to see any reveiws that have these following words anywhere in them " Its very unrealistic " Thats why its a FICTION story. "They act our of character " Well if you picture them saying these things they may see a little more in character. Ok so enjoy and no stupid reveiws. )  
  
The night was still cool , though the on coming sun made it warmer. She leaned on her elbows that were placed on her balcony ledge and she stared out into the early morning lights. Street lights were still beaming yet the day was becoming more clear.  
  
She let her eyes wander all over the scenery, the road, with its sleepless occupants. The apartments parallel to hers mainly Ross' Seing if he was up. The pedestrians, amazed that there were pedestrians out at this hour. The pigeon poop on her balconey ledge and realizing that she really needed to clean that off.  
  
The stars began to hide from the oncoming sun . All Monica could do was think as she watched the beautiful sunrise, sleep tonite had become unattainable so a sunrise would be a great start to what she was going to make a great day.  
  
" Mon honey why arent you sleeing"  
  
Rachel stood by the window that opened out onto the balcony, she asked as she crawled through, Her voice startling Monica as she was deep in thought.  
  
" Sleep is just not going to happen so i guess i just wanted to watch the sun come up"  
  
She had perched herself down into a chair and brought her knees up hugging them through her robe and newly put on sweat pants.  
  
"God isn't is beautiful" She tucked a lose blonde hair behind her ear.  
  
She sat in the chair next to Monica and stared at the same light blue horizon anticipating the rising of the sun.  
  
"Even more so than the sun set. "  
  
her eyes didnt meet Rachel's instead they just gazed out into the silent sky.  
  
" It's amazing how things can change so much in just a matter of ... hours "  
  
Rachel rested her elbows on her knees and looked down at the balconey floor.  
  
" I cant help but think , of what im gonna do..... "  
  
She sat back in her chair and felt the stinging of the re emerging tears trying to force their way out of her eyes.  
  
" What am i gonna do? " Her chinn quivered to these words as if she were crying dry tears.  
  
Monica just watched the stars fade more and let out a smal sigh, not knowing how to comfort her friend, this territory was never chartered by her before and she had no idea how to comfort her. Though she thought hard all she could do was sit and listen to her cry and offer a hand for her to hold.  
  
" How could i be so, so stupid? .... "  
  
She licked her dry lips and swallowed hard.  
  
" How could i let him do this to me,... i really .... Mon ? "  
  
Her red bloodshot eyes peered into Monica's  
  
" Has... Chan ... has he ever said that he loved you ?"  
  
Monica held Rachel's hand tight, and leaned forward to mimic the way Rachel was sitting in her chair, she spoke as she grabbed her other hand.  
  
" Rachel if he could do this to you, then you dont want him to love you... "  
  
she chose her words carefully.  
  
" I know youre hurting ,. honey i do.... and it hurts me to know that he hurts you,.... but you and ... "  
  
Her eyes left Rachels and glanced to her now flat stomach and hesitated to speak the word.  
  
" And your .... baby you dont need him,... please say you understand me, i want nothing but happiness for you but you arent going to find it in him. "  
  
She let Rachel's hands drop and stood and motioned for her to follow.  
  
"Come on lets get inside."  
  
She said with a sigh.  
  
" Things will get better again i promise"  
  
Joey remained seated firmly on the couch , looking to Rachel's door. He looked in a small way as if he were sad. His eyes widened when he saw Monica coming in the house along with Rachel , he smirked a bit but it hurts him to find that there was no smile returned to him, instead a cold glare.  
  
" Rach , ... im gonna go to bed now if you need me ,... "  
  
her eyes fell Quickly to Joey and then as quick back to Rachel  
  
" Im here if you,.. you need me "  
  
She gave Rachel a reassuring smile and then disappeared behind the shut door of her bedroom. Joey's eyes longinly followed her. Maybe it was the rum, maybe it was his heart but she had never looked so beautiful to him before now.  
  
Monica laid in her bed trying to get the last hour or two of sleep she could, even though she knew there was no way she was sleeping tonight. Fatigue eventually caught up to her though after about 20 minutes, and as soon as her eyes closed muffled yells came thundering from outside her door. Her eyes opened quickly. And as quick as they opened she forced them shut and ,put a pillow over her head trying to block out the noise but it didn't help.  
  
Chandler rolled to the pillow that covered Monica. With a grunt and a groan to signify his displeasure with being woken up.  
  
" What the ff .. ? " He looked to the clock, the yells had woken him up. " its too early for this,.. " He whinned and burried his head next to Monica's. The tips of their noses touched. His eyes opened and caught a glimpse of her sleeping face.  
  
And never realized how angelic she looked when she was sleeping. She could feel his eyes on her and when her eyes opened she was met by two blue beacons they met her and melted her, She smiled bright their noeses still touching.  
  
" I meant it... " Chandler whispered in their little pillow shelter.  
  
Her eyes fluttered sleepily. And she smiled .  
  
"I will always meen it " He returned her smile. " I love you Monica "  
  
Her smile could no longer be contained and her smile could be seen even under the darkness of the pillows.  
  
"I love you too Chandler,.. I always will " She leaned and pressed her nose past his. For a long passionate kiss  
  
" No sleep now " He said with a smirk in between her kisses.  
  
The yelling died down not long after Monica and Chandler had long been awake, The slamming of doors signaled that it was safe to go into the living room and kitchen but both peeked before entering either room. Monica had an hour left before she had to go to work.  
  
Standing at the bathroom sink getting more woken up, even more so from her exhilerating session with Chandler. A giant hug met her from behind and without opening her eyes, she knew who it was. She had memorized the feel of his arms his loving embrace, In there she found the begining of her life.  
  
She felt him kiss her neck and saw him in the mirror, The warmth of his mouth sent wonderful sensations through her whole body and she could feel where this was headed, so she pulled away.  
  
"Work Chandler " She simply said. His look of dissappointment filled the room and she hated that look knowing full well that she wanted what he was after.  
  
He could see in her eyes that she was holding something back. He threw himself at her and covered her mouth with his feeling her warmth like a blanket. She loved this and wanted it, but pulled away from it.  
  
"Chandler work " only getting her mouth a few inches away from his.  
  
He ignored her words knowing that she wanted him too. So quickly he began kissing her again.  
  
" Work " She said firmly  
  
He gave a groan of disapproval, and even tried to go in for more kisses but his attempts proved useless as if she werent even hearing him.  
  
"Do you want breakfast?" Her words pulled him out of his trance like state.  
  
"Sorry Mon but i'm gonna be late" His words came out almost harsh, not meening too but also not apologizing for it. He noted her facial expression the small ammout of hurt that was displayed on it, but seeming to be trying to ignore it.  
  
"Youre always late. but I should get ready too" she said not wanting Chandler to catch wind of her hurt expression. She walked into her bedroom to get on her work clothes and listend his foot steps that followed her  
  
Chandler walked towards the door but stopped in front of Mon who was sitting on the end of the bed, feet dangling above the ground, to give her a kiss good bye.  
  
"I'll call you on your lunch break" This came out almost as a question.  
  
Monica nodded her head as a yawn escaped from her lips.  
  
Chandler walked out of the room but quickly re-entered smiling.  
  
"I forgot something"  
  
"What?" she said turning to look at him.  
  
"I love you"  
  
Monica's face lit up as did Chandlers. He now no longer needed to apologize for his harsh tone before.  
  
"I love you too"  
  
Ross and Phoebe were sitting at the kitchen table having an argument over 'evolution and gravity' when Chandler entered from the bedroom. He heard Ross preaching his 'belieffs' and decided that it was best for him to get out of there fast.  
  
"Hey guys" he says as he headed strait into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready.  
  
Ross lifted up a hand in annoyance with Phoebe his way of saying hello without disrupting his train of argumentative though but not totally ignoring Chandler, but playing the role of " pissed off older brother " quite well.  
  
Ross had not liked the idea of Chandler with Monica as Joey didnt, but of corse for different reasons. In Ross' eyes no one was good enough to be with his baby sister, if it were up to him it would stay that way but he liked how she was happy so he said nothing.  
  
"Wha- What do you mean you don't believe in gravity?" Phoebe's words jerked him back into the argument full force and almost brought out " Red Ross "  
  
"I feel that I'm not being pulled as much as being pushed" She moved her hands in motion with her words. Displaying pushing and pulling  
  
Ross went to protest but Monica walked out of the bedroom and Phoebe turned to greet her. Letting their argument for the moment go stale.  
  
"Hey Mon"  
  
"Hi" Monica said almost being startled at the sudden presence of two people in her kicthen, She gave a "hello " To Phoebe as well but muffled through her hand that blocked another yawn  
  
"Somebodys happy this morning"  
  
"What?" Monica asked making her way to the coffee pot  
  
"Your aura is like all bright and shiny. Unlike you." she said pointing towards Ross, "your auras all negative"  
  
"Didn't get good sleep last night?" Ross asked eyeing Phoebe in regaurds to her latest comment.  
  
"No, I was up all night with Rachel" she said smiling to herself thinking about the moment shared between her and Chandler also keeping her up that night, her smile faded when she realized Rachel wasn't in the living room or kitchen, "Where is she?"  
  
"She's still sleeping" Phoebe told her  
  
"and we haven't seen Joey" Ross stated knowing what her next question would be "which is strange because he's always up, and ready to eat"  
  
"Maybe he's in there sleeping with Rachel" Phoebe commented  
  
"I don't think so" Monica said as she took a gulp of coffee "What do you want for breakfast?"  
  
"Don't worry about it Mon, you need to go to sleep" Ross said big brotherly  
  
"I can't"  
  
Ross went to protest but was cut off by Chandler who was coming out of the bathroom  
  
"alright children I'm off to work, behave"  
  
"bye" Phoebe and Ross said in unison  
  
"bye Mon" He said with a smile, walking closer to her grabbing her hips to pull her into his hug.  
  
"bye" she said against his cheek.  
  
Chandler gave her a long kiss goodbye and rushed out of the apartment.  
  
" I dont wanna see that " Ross said as he pretendid to turn the other way.  
  
"I'm going to go check on Rachel" Phoebe said  
  
"Why?" Ross asked  
  
"Do I have to have a reason?"  
  
"Whatever" he said still sore about the argument.  
  
Phoebe walked into Rachel's room quietly but then quickly came back out.  
  
"She's sleeping" she whispered as she closed the door, "That's strange" she said her normal voice as she reenterd the kitchen  
  
"What?" Monica asked finishing a big gulp of her coffee  
  
"I'm getting this bad vibe, and its not from you" Phoebe explained once again pointing to Ross "I'm gonna go check on Joey" she said once again rising from the table  
  
"I'll do it" Monica offered "I need to walk around, ya know, get woken up before I have to go to work" Sitting her now empty coffee cup beside the sink making a mental note not to forget to wash it before she left for work.  
  
"Okay" Pheebs said and sat back down  
  
As she exited the apartment she heard Phoebe and Ross going at it about evolution  
  
"I just think its too easy"  
  
"the entire human race evolving from a single celled molicule is too easy?!" He defendid.  
  
Monica smiled to herself as she shut the door listening to the neverending battle between Ross and Phoebe knowing that Ross would eventually give into her and apologize, but the argument would happen again.  
  
She made her way the short distance to Joey and Chandler's apartment, her nerves tensed a bit before knocking which she didn't know why he was her friend Joey nothing to be scared of.  
  
She knocked lightly, each time getting louder.  
  
Her knocks came a close tone to pounding, but they got no response. Her hand met the cold metal of the door knob and fear lurked into her, she shuttered a bit and regrouped before turning the knob to the door that forever remained unlocked.  
  
"Jo...ey " she said just little above a whisper, It was as if she were afraid for him to hear her. Her body never moved but a few feet away from the door, she was hesitating. She had heard him yell at Rachel and it gave him power. Power to be afraid of she had heard him hit the wall before and knew he held alot of force.  
  
Still afraid? of Joey?  
  
Her eyes looked around the apartment in shock, beer bottles and liquor littered every inch of cabinet space. Her mouth dropped open a bit, and a hand made an attempt to cover it , she walked to the sink, for the moment forgetting her hesitation to staying vlose to the door.She found the sink like everything else full of bottles.  
  
"My God " she whispered to herself.  
  
The sudden low volume crash that came from behind her made her jump and breathe hard.  
  
"Oh Joey, you scared the hell out of me, " she laughed to herself and grabbed at her chest to joke an on coming heart attack. She discreetly positioned her body adjacent to the door.  
  
It was new to her the rage Joey displayed, And what was new scared her, and she didnt want to be apart of it.  
  
His blank stare met and faded her smile.  
  
"Are , ... are you OK Joe ? " She stuttered as he slowly moved closer to her, backing her into the now shut door. She was aware of this and her heart raced she tried to tell herself to calm down that it was her good friend Joey. But she couldnt get herself to listen.  
  
"IM fine, " He said with a smirk and set the bottle on the fooze table. His cold stare returned but remained his smirk.  
  
Monica exhaled hard and found it next to impossible to break away from his eyes. It shouldnt be this way not with him. She was unaware at the hand that he raise to her. It slam on the door frame beside her head.  
  
She let out a weak fearful groan , a result to the surprise of his movement. Her breathing became more rapid, this he heard.  
  
"You scared me", she laughed a little to herself and she smiled hoping to lighten his odiously tempered mood. But it wasn't helping she began to tense and watched as he brought his face close to hers.  
  
Her breathing became less rapid and more struggled when exhaling sounded a bit like she was realsing too much. And inhaling was almost silent.  
  
She licked her dry lips clean and swallowed to wet her dry throat. While her eyes flashed between two intervals Joey's dark eyes and his oncoming mouth.  
  
The sound of her almost panting thrilled Joey, trying to convince himself that she was preparing herself for passion, instead of being next to terrified.  
  
His face stopped but a few inches away from hers, she made a face of disgust when she smelled the mix of different liquors being breathed onto her face.  
  
" Joey,.. what are you doing " her fear fadded and was replaced with anger.  
  
She brought her hands up to push him away when as quickly as his hand had hit the door jam, he grabbed her and held her hands togehter between just his five fingers. Leaving a free hand to do what it pleased.  
  
"Joey stop ! " she yelled hoping to get through to the sober Joey. He fear was evident and she jerked with her arms to free her hands and he just smiled at her weak efforts to get free.  
  
Soft sobs could be heard coming from within Monica but no tears could force their way out. She played in her mind what could happen if she didnt get herself free.  
  
Her jerking and twisting had proven to be useless, and she gave in to Joey's strengths, fearing what the liquor could make her ' supposed best friend ' do to her.  
  
Through her wiggling and her attempts to get free , she had helped Joey back her into the corner where the wall and refrigerator met. Having no way out except the option of being released which she was sure was not in her favor.  
  
She helplessly looked to her hands that were tightly bound with Joey's, he looked to her with a hint of confusion in her eyes.  
  
" What are you doing? " he said bluntly staring into her eyes with much confusion in his.  
  
" Joey .. please dont " those words above barely a whisper her eyes narrowed as did her brow, and they begged for him to let go.  
  
" What do you think im doing ? Mon ? " Joey asked losening his grip on her.  
  
" I .. i dont know " her wimpering sobs were coming to an end as she started apprehending Joey's movements.  
  
Her narrowed expression fadded joined by Joey's confusion, and she stood looking to him.  
  
His grip tightened again around her two hands. And she prepared herself for his oncoming lips. His cheek brushed against hers instead of his mouth going to hers he went to her ear.  
  
" I just want a beer " Joey whispered "And you're inmy way " and let go her hands in a sort of " thrown away " action. Her face mimicked her shock as he opened the door almost on her. To retreive his desired beer.  
  
" Im not a rapist Monica. " His eyes signifying his hurt feelings. He turned his back to her not bothering to grab his half empty bottle of liquor on the fooze ball table.  
  
She selfishly didnt care what he had said, his actions werent proof of his previous words, his actions that still stung her wrists, his actions that still felt like hot drunken rage.  
  
She felt herslef heave and grabbed at the door knob but her sweaty palms prevented her from grasping the it, she got into the hallway and let out a sigh of what seemed to be and what felt like relief.  
  
She stood for a moment before hearing her own door knob turn.  
  
" Yes Ross i will think about it, and yes youre right in a way i do feel pulled " Pheobe rolled her eyes and Ross followed her.  
  
"Oh hey uhh hows Joey? " Ross finally noticing the pale Monica slumped before him.  
  
She knew that Ross and Phoebe shouldnt see her this way and she bolted past them to the door to her apartment that was still open, letting it casually shut behind her she and ran to her bathroom and locked the door just so anyone who followed her would be left out.  
  
She turned on the water to her sink and looked down to her feet before placing water on her face. She looked at her feet and then to her bathroom tiles, the tiles that Joey had put there for her.  
  
Her body made the heaving motion again and she slupmed in fron tof the toilet thinking that she was going to throw up. Not knowing these strange emotions that were in her, she kept to herself not telling anyone what had hapened 


	3. And then there was one

(Authors Notes: Alright here we go we are ready for the flames to begin. Though if you think this is bad wait til next chapter * hint hint * Please reveiw, though if we get any " Joey doesnt act like that" " they are so out of character " reveiws we're gonna kick some ass. )  
  
(Disclaimer: Well odviously i do not own any of these characters except,.... well no none of them. Though if i did,... well lets just say, What a fun day for me =)  
  
  
  
The night had come and gone, the events of the previous day were still fresh on her memory, there was no way to forget about it. Chandler had tried to join her for the night, but she declined his offer and told him she 'needed sleep' it no doubt hurt his feelings. But he headed off to his apartment but not without a good night kiss.  
  
She sat in her own company by her giant bay window, staring out onto the canvas of the village and all its occupants. Hurrying about their days.  
  
"Hey you,.. " a soft spoken Chandler peeked at her from the kitchen area. " Feeling better ? "  
  
She smiled big. No longer letting herself dwell in the day before. Letting him touch her. He hugged her tight kissing gently her forehead.  
  
"I missed you last night, " He said into the top of her head.  
  
"IM sorry Chandler I just really needed sleep I just,.... .. " Not knowing how to finish her sentence she let herself feel satisfied just by having him in her arms.  
  
"Well , ... if it makes you feel better we can both get sleep tonight " He said this time moving his chin so to be heard better.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I just revisited the horrors of living with him" he made a funny face thinking she would know what he was talking about.  
  
She continued to give him a confused look praying that Joey had not informed him of the incident that occurred yesterday.  
  
"Joey, ... he's, well he and Rach kept me up half the .. " He was interrupted by Monica's sudden outburst.  
  
"What! " Monica pulled quickly away from his hug. " what the hell are you talking about. "  
  
"I heard them,..." He gestured with hand movements and his uncomfortable demeanor told her the rest. " i mean i ... heard them"  
  
Monica's eyes went wide. And her "death stare" to Chandler was enough to let him know that he had said the wrong thing.  
  
"Why, Why why are you upset? " he backed himself up being sure to be out of her way. Gesturing the joke that he didn't want to be hit.  
  
"What about the baby he didn't want? ... What about that night he got so mad he hit the wall missing her by an inch. " Monica's emotions went ablaze and she stormed over to Joey's door forgetting all about the tension between he and herself. Leaving a confused Chandler behind her.  
  
Her fist met the door hard and rapid until getting her response. Joey stood before her grasping a towel about his waist. Without saying anything, he stood holding the door. Her apprehensions came back and she froze in his eyes. Like a helpless little animal. Until Rachel emerged to her rescue.  
  
"Mon ? " Rachel's voice hinted her surprise to see Monica, and also hinted to the fact she was naked under a sheet she covered herself with. not wanting Monica to yet know she was with Joey again.  
  
"Monica I .. " Before she could finish and enraged Monica pushed her way past Joey to get a better acoustical advantage to yell at Rachel.  
  
"What the hell are you thinking? " She hesitated none while beginning to yell.  
  
"Look Mon i don't really think its any.. " Joey started Monica just flashed him the "death stare "  
  
"Rachel, ... just less than 24 hours ago you were crying because of this. " She held her arms out to gesture the apartment and who lived in it. " What about the baby ? .... the baby he doesn't want. "  
  
"Oh!" Rachel sounded excited. " IM not pregnant! "  
  
"Rachel, " She lowered her tone trying to reason with her. " I have spent the past 2 days holding you, and comforting you, and listening to you cry..... IM not gonna do it again. I will not do it again." And with that she left the apartment letting the door slam on her way out.  
  
"You told her about the whole, ... baby thing? " his question had the small sound of anger in it.  
  
"Joey she's my best friend of corse I told her.... But don't worry she'll be OK, " she said walking towards him, " You shouldn't be worrying about her anyway, when IM right in front of you wearing nothing but a sheet. And with that she kissed him.  
  
"Yeah baby " He smiled and returned another kiss and followed her while she turned to walk to his bedroom.  
  
Once inside she playfully grabbed the sheet that shielded him from her eyes. With a swift motion she pulled the sheet and let it fall to the floor. Joey's eyes met her as he moved towards her, the weight of him pushed both back onto the bed.  
  
Rachel smiled into his kisses. " Oh Joey, " She breathed out.  
  
"Mmm Monica"  
  
Her movements halted.  
  
"WHAT! " She shouted regaining her freshly shed sheet.  
  
"Huh? I didn't say anything Rachel come here" his voice half begging her to return to him.  
  
"You called me Monica! "  
  
"No, I didn't, it. It slipped." He tried to compensate but there was no excuse or good reason why he called her 'Monica'  
  
'I cant believe she's doing this! " Monica stammered pacing in her kitchen.  
  
"Don't worry Abut it Mon. whatever happens. " he paused to take a bite of scrambled egg "happens"  
  
"She is being so selfish!, ... don't talk with your mouth full Chandler"  
  
He smiled to her and ate while she continued.  
  
"She has no idea what she's getting herself into again...... IM not going to be there when he hurts her again,. I wont! " She stuttered almost ignoring Chandler and mostly talking to herself.  
  
"IM not going to deal with it" She picked up a sponge from her sink and began to furiously scrub her oven, much like she did when she was upset.  
  
"Mon... Mon ? "  
  
"What ! " she had been so worked up arguing to herself about Rachel that she forgot to lower her tone.  
  
"IM sorry, Chandler IM sorry. I didn't mean ... I didn't mean "She threw her sponge against her stove top and supported her weight on her two hands that remain on the oven. Her head fell low, she tried to hold it in but the past few days have been such a rollercoaster her emotions couldn't stay bottled up anymore.  
  
"Mon? Aww what's wrong? " He got up from his eggs to meet her at the oven. He's eyes full of concern.  
  
She pushed herself up against his chest, which made him nervous he had never seen her cry, well he had but not like this. He wasn't sure what to do, so he just put his arms around her.  
  
Her hands covered her eyes ashamed at what she was letting herself do, she felt how he was uncomfortable, but she couldn't make herself stop. She cried hard into his chest.  
  
"IM sorry Chandler, Its just too much,...." She sniffled and let him hug her tighter.  
  
"Its ok" He offered as much support as he knew of.  
  
"You son of a bitch" Rachel stood at the side of Joey's bed putting on her clothes  
  
"Your getting worked up over nothing Rach, I was just thinking about what she had just said and her name came out. That's all it is and all it was, nothing" Joey gets up from the bed and wraps his arms around her "I swear" he gives her a kiss and she practically melts in his arms  
  
"You swear?" Rachel asks innocently, making a puppy face while breaking away from the kiss only momentarily  
  
"I swear" Joey said lying through his teeth "Can we finish this now?" Joey said playing with Rachel's bra strap.  
  
"Uh huh" Rachel smirked, she muttered as Joey kissed her neck and undid her bra simultaneously.  
  
She undid her pants as Joey turned her around so her back was against the bed. She kicked off her pants not taking her lips from Joey's. They fell onto the bed as Rachel kissed him passionatly. He was enjoying it no doubt but he wished with all he had it was Monica under him and not Rachel.  
  
"I love you Joey"  
  
She was used to the fact that when she said this it came with no response, the sting of having said it and getting nothing still remains though, but she can better ignore it now.  
  
He stared to the back of her head while she slept comfortably on his chest, like a permanent fixture, one that he desired, one that he lusted after, but not one that he could love. He often wondered but didn't truly care as to why she ran to him always.  
  
Rachel had been coming to him for years now, far longer than anyone knew. He wanted it to end, Monica was everything he had always wanted, admitting to that had taken him almost a year. Supposing the reason he let Rachel run to him is she held such a close feeling to Monica.  
  
She was out of his reach and he knew that. Gently but rough enough he pushed Rachel off his chest and he sat feet firm on the floor, hair a mess, not bothering to cover himself. He let his head rest in his hands and he stared at the floor lost in his own thoughts.  
  
For months he had been trying to talk to her, and then Chandler beat him to it. Stepping back was the right thing for him to do. But he could no longer let his feelings for her rest. Tonight he would talk to her.  
  
"Chandler you promised!"  
  
"I know Monica,....you think I want to be there all night?" He hadnt realized how loud he was "speaking"  
  
Her vacant hurt expression clued him in.  
  
" OK... IM sorry. I have to go. Doug left me in charge, Mon?... I have to go" He spoke as if he had a point to prove, and he did.  
  
"Promise to come see me when you get off? "  
  
"Always " he smiled and leaned in for a small kiss  
  
"Want to be a few minutes late? " she tugged at the rim of his shirt playfully.  
  
"I really should go now " he managed to say in between an onslaught of kisses from Monica. She let her hands roam and they found a comfortable spot resting on the outside of his clothing, but he could feel her through it.  
  
"Mon...... I really should go" his eyes closed and was trying not to succumb to her temptations. She grabbed the rim of his pants and pulled his waist closer to her, she looked deep in his eyes and he could see her intentions were perfectly clear. " Mon honey.. I cant be late" his resistance was wearing.  
  
Without warning she dropped to the floor, her face meeting his belt buckle.  
  
Chandler's mouth dropped open half from shock half from the realization of what was in store for him.  
  
"OK i can be a few minutes late"  
  
The apartment door opened seconds after Chandler had left leaving her to believe it was him returning for a forgotten item. But the open door revealed Rachel. Her eyes held shame when they met Monica's, shame for what she had put her through, shame for running back to him again.  
  
"Monica.. " she said shutting the door behind her and making her way half to the kitchen table. Her tone was apologetic and at the same time firm.  
  
"I have nothing to say to you." Harshly put but that's the way she felt it needed to be.  
  
"Why are you."she was not given the chance to continue Monica pounced quickly for she knew what was about to be said.  
  
"Why?!.... " she shook her head, in the manor that if in words would've said 'how could you' " How can you even ask me 'why'? ..... "  
  
"Cant you just be happy for me?" crossing her arms as to meet Monica's already riled up temper.  
  
"Yes,.. I suppose I can. But no i don't think i will"  
  
"But why"  
  
"Who stayed up half the night listening to you cry,... who held your hands and who exactly was it that was there for you when you thought you were pregnant and you were alone? Me Rachel, ME! I am always the one picking up your pieces for nothing! .. I wont do it anymore."  
  
She stood almost in awe of what was said.  
  
"But I love him."  
  
She brought her hand up to her face pretending to be whipping a wisp of hair away from her eyes, but was really trying to hide her welling eyes.  
  
"And I know he loves me, ... he loves me." she spoke almost to herself as if to convince herself that he truly did love her, but she knew that it wasn't true.  
  
"He'll do it again Rachel "  
  
She got up to her feet and walked up close to meet her furious friend. Furious was the word to descibe her too.  
  
"You don't know him Monica,." her tears flowed freely but out of anger instead of sorrow  
  
"I know him plenty, did he tell you about yesterday?!"  
  
"No what happened yesterday" her eyes narrowed waiting to hear.  
  
"Oh so he didn't tell you about yesterday when he had me pinned up against his door, oh he must have forgot to tell you." Her sarcastic comments were getting more tears from Rachel's eyes.  
  
"You don't know him at all, and he doesn't love you"  
  
Rachel had heard enough within seconds her arms dropped from their crossed position and she walked up to Monica even more.  
  
"Fuck you " Rachel brought her hand across Monica's face, leaving in its path a red mark, her head moved with Rachel's smack.  
  
"What is wrong with you! " Monica was screaming in Rachel's face. As Rachel was screaming in hers.  
  
"You don't know him he DOES love me! "  
  
And with that she stormed out of the apartment. Her emotions went ablaze, but only because she knew she was right, he didn't love her.  
  
She sat in a heap a sobbing mess on his couch when he walked in.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" In his arms two brown grocery bags that she knew was full to the brim with alcohol.  
  
"It's Monica' she wiped at her undereye with her Kleenex, checking it to see if her mascara was running.  
  
"What happened? "  
  
"She said some things and I said some things" She brought herself to join Joey in the kitchen while he put away his "drinks." Before she could finish he grabbed one for himself and popped a top.  
  
"I just cant believe that happened" she let herself cry in front of Joey who made only little attempt to comfort her.  
  
"Hey its OK ... what happened?"  
  
"She said mean things and before i knew it i hit her"  
  
"You, you what?"  
  
His eyes let her know she had said the wrong thing. But she didn't know why.  
  
"Joey she was being a bitch."  
  
He jumped at her slamming her up against the apartment door, she gasped in shock and from the pressure of his hand around her neck.  
  
Gasping she managed to say..  
  
"Joey, ... what are you doing?" a single tear rolled down her cheek as his hand got tighter, almost lifting her off her feet. She gasped a struggled to pull his hand off her neck. She let out a straggled "Joey"  
  
"Don't call her that, and don't ever hit her"  
  
And he let go of her neck, he was holding her so tight he had almost lifted her off her feet only her tip toes remained on the floor, his sudden movement to let her go knocked her to the floor, and her hand instinctively went to her neck. 


	4. He was suposed to be my friend

(Authors Notes: There are 2 of us remember? Courteney Fan is author #2 go check out some of her stories she's the best! But here we are Judgment Day. If you have been keeping up with this story you know what I meen. I will apologize for what happens ahead of time. Its not a fun thing. )  
  
(Disclaimer:Ya know IM getting sick of writing one of these but I have too so :: sigh :: [ half ass tone ] I do not own the friends characters. Nor do I own this situation. Hey IM not taking responsibility for it! )  
  
  
  
This was the only place she knew to go too, this was the one person she knew she could talk too and the one person she knew she shouldn't.  
  
Her eyes scanned the door and her mind read the name.  
  
"Chandler Bing"  
  
She swallowed and pulled her jacket up over the fresh red ring around her neck from Joey's hands and his tight grip. She brushed her hair behind her ears and gave a few swipes under her eye to make sure no stray tears were present. He was his best friend he would know what to tell her.  
  
She took a breath gathered her composure and knocked on the door.  
  
His head hung carelessly over the back of his chair, a gapping open mouth emitting the sounds of sleep, yes he was snoring. The knock wasn't loud but it was enough to jolt him back awake. Thinking it was his boss or another employee he made himself look hard at work, ignoring the fact his eyes were slightly puffy from his sudden wake up call. He typed quickly and took a drink of coffee at the same time.  
  
"Come in" He didn't take his eyes off his computer screen, this made him look real busy, Until he heard her voice.  
  
"Hey " she smiled weakly and looked at an empty chair in front of his desk.  
  
"Oh yeah,... uhh have a seat. " His face was mangled with a confused expression.  
  
She complied and sat laying her purse on the floor beside her feet.  
  
"Just thought id come say hi, because I don't say .. Hi a lot to you. So hi "  
  
His confused expression remains.  
  
"Oh ... well hi to you too"  
  
His soft smile comforts her. And for moments she is jealous of the love that Monica gets from him. A love that she has wanted for years, though from a different man.  
  
She got up and made her way to his big window, staring out across the sea of buildings. Her emotions got the better of her, but she wouldn't let herself cry in front of him. She let herself think of how happy he made Monica and for a few minuets it made her want him as her own.  
  
"Are you OK Rach?" this sudden visit by her was unexpected and unusual.  
  
"IM fine " She muttered. And her hand caressed her neck.  
  
"Can I ask,... whatcha doin here? " He said in a playful manor.  
  
"I want to talk to Monica." Her voice sounded sad.  
  
"Umm.. IM just guessing ... but i don't think she's here"  
  
"She wont talk to me now" tears made their way but still she tried her best to hide them.  
  
"IM sure she will...well i uhh.. i have to get back to. "  
  
"Solitaire? " she turned to face him and smiled.  
  
"Yeah solitaire " he scratched his head and mimicked her smile.  
  
"Chandler, ... do you love her?"  
  
He wondered if she really meant him to answer this, her back was turned to him again and was hard for him to interpret if she was serious.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you really love her? "  
  
"Of Crosse I do. Why,.. why wouldn't I? " He moved closer to her and put his hands in his pockets.  
  
"That's great, that's really great" she smiled and turned to face him yet again, looking to the ground she took a few steps without realizing how close she was to him she stopped and looked up finally realizing she was just a few feet away from him. She had been closer before but it didn't feel this way then.  
  
She licked her lips. And glared into his eyes. 'He loves her so much' she thought to herself. She looked to the floor and back to him, with his furrowed brow and confusion written all over his face. She took a few more steps, and with her steps forward he matched them by taking a step backward.  
  
"Its OK." she said to him whispering. He blinked his eyes attentively  
  
She took another step and he took another step, she took a step and he took a small step, he felt his desk on meet the back of his legs and he froze she didn't stop moving towards him.  
  
"Rachel I .."  
  
"Shh " She smiled and placed a finger over his lips.  
  
She moved within inches in front of him and didn't stop there. This all seemed to be happening so slow but it was a matter of seconds from the window until here. He stepped forward to back her up. And she backed up, but then came back. He quickly stepped backwards and at the feel of the desk again he quickly moved his hands from his pockets to stop her.  
  
His hands met her arms and she just pushed slightly past them, but more or less brought them with her. She leaned into him pushing him backwards, and then she kissed him. He knew it was going to happen yet it was unexpected. Her tongue pushed past his lis and met his.  
  
Shock was the first thing that hit him and he acted on the kiss, returning it. She leaned on him more until he was sitting on his desk her arms down his back his arms on her arms. He returned the kiss more. And then realized what he was doing.  
  
He quickly pulled her off him and stood to meet her in case she decided to give it another try.  
  
"Rachel what are we doing? " around his mouth was red as was hers from the intense kiss they shared.  
  
She stood looking at him with a blank expression.  
  
"Oh God Chandler" She grabbed her temples, and bent down to gather her purse. Her nerves so frazzled she made 2 attempts to pick up her purse before actually being able to grasp it. Her mind was buzzing, she had no idea why she had kissed him. She didn't notice that she was still on the floor trying to get her purse.  
  
"It's.....OK" He hesitated to say those words. But before he could finish the sentence he wished to speak she met with his eyes. And they begged for comfort for love. So he reached out his hand and rubbed her cheek smiling.  
  
"But is it? " She leaned into him giving him this time a more passionate kiss, and he returned it. She leaned into him more and he wrapped his arms around her. He didn't know why but his body wanted this, even though how much his mind begged him to stop he couldn't.  
  
He pushed her back onto the floor with the force of his body and of his kiss. His hand traveled down to the rim of her skirt and started its way up her thigh. She groaned in his mouth. And the sudden shock of what was going on had finally hit him. What was he doing?!  
  
He reluctantly pulled away from her mouth. He had to stop it before things got too out of his control. The were both breathing hard and she lay under him begging for more. He sat up and still panting like a dog he ran his hands through his hair.  
  
"What's wrong? "  
  
"Rach.... we cant do this. I cant do this "  
  
"You don't want too? " She leaned away from him and his cold comment.  
  
He looked to his pants where her eyes followed.  
  
"Obviously somebody wants too " He joked hoping to relieve the tension around them.  
  
"I wont tell her Chandler "  
  
"I cant Rachel. What about Joey? "  
  
"I don't love Joey " She seductively made her way to his belt buckle, hoping that would incise him into completing this deed that he had started. As her hands reached the outside of the bulge in his pants. He roughly pushed them away.  
  
"Well, I love Monica. I cant do this. IM sorry you have to go. " He got to his feet and straightened his clothes out  
  
"IM sorry" she wiped her forehead and the tears fell from her eyes like a waterfall. Before she thought he noticed she turned her head away from him, her hair fell over her shoulder staying flush against her face. Fallin away from the neck that she tried to hide.  
  
He felt horrible for making her feel this way. he hung his head down thinking of ways he could make it right, when he realized she made herself fell this was her fault. She kept the kiss she clung to it when he pulled off her.  
  
He gave himself a 'how dare her' head shake, and when he was looking up to tell her that it was pretty much her fault he saw it.  
  
"You know you brought this upon your...." He fixated his eyes on her. Squinting even to make sure what he saw was really there. He moved closer not taking his eyes off her.  
  
Goosebumps rushed down her back when she felt his hand softly brushing against her skin. She smiled at what she thought was his attempt to complete things. And also what she wanted to happen. Her eyes softly closed she rubbed her head against the hand that was on her neck. Oh no her neck!  
  
She jerked her head away from him and quickly covered her neck with her hair.  
  
"I umm.. I have to go" she grabbed her bag and made her way off the floor, in one swift motion she was up, and awkwardly facing him.  
  
"I have to go" she regained her composure and straightened out the bottom of her skirt. Without letting him respond she turned and briskly walked to the door, but he met her fast steps. He grabbed her arm tight and with her walking so fast he actually turned her around. She was facing him but their eyes did not meet. She looked away instead. In shame.  
  
His eyes were intense almost protective. He loosened his grip on her arm and grabbed the other to bring her closer, he licked his lips. And moved a hand up to brush her hair off her neck.  
  
"What's this?"  
  
She smiled and laughed to herself.  
  
"Oh that,.. " She made a small laugh again she self consciously pulled her hair over the red forming bruise across the sides of her neck. Her chin quivered a bit, so little that if he were to have blinked he would have missed it. Her nose and the area around her eyes began to turn red. That usually happened before they cried, it happened to Monica too.  
  
"Its, ... its nothing."  
  
He sneered at her feeble attempt to try and cover up what he knew had happened to her.  
  
She felt his eyes on it, and a tear welled up in her left eye, as soon as it fell her hand was there to wipe it clean.  
  
"I need to go " her voice was shaky  
  
"Rach"  
  
"No Chandler,.. Don't worry about it. Everything is fine." She played with the rim of her white shirt avoiding his eyes.  
  
"Is this because you were pregnant? "  
  
Her head jerked up, and her eyes questioned him.  
  
"Monica told me"  
  
She nodded and gave a sarcastic laugh.  
  
"Yes its because IM pregnant"  
  
"You.?...I thought you weren't"  
  
Her face gave away the fact that she had revealed too much. And she gave the same facial expression and laugh as she did when covering up her bruise.  
  
"No ... no IM... IM not" she bit her lip and her hands went to work again at the rim of her shirt.  
  
"I feel like the worlds biggest idiot! IM standing here crying all over you. And to top it all off we had that. " Her voice trailed off and she looked to the floor, where the adulteress act would've taken place.  
  
"I haven't had a kiss like that in.."  
  
"Rachel, . that wasn't supposed to happen. I... didn't meen for that to happen"  
  
Her face wrinkle trying to squeeze out more tears.  
  
"I know, ... but every kiss I've had for the past 2 years wasn't supposed to happen' So ... don't feel like the bad guy. " Her face dried up and her voice began to normalize.  
  
"Mr.Bing" He jumped to the sound of another voice suddenly in his room. He ran to the little black phone that neatly sat upon his desk, upon his arrival at the desk he tugged at his tie and pushed a little button. She watched him as he leaned closer to speak into it.  
  
"Yes Helen? "  
  
"There' someone here to see you"  
  
A flash went over his body, and he threw his watch up to his face. And he gasped  
  
"Oh fuck me"  
  
"Excuse me Mr.Bing "  
  
"Oh uhh....uh .. tha. thank you Helen. "  
  
He let go of the button and grabbed his head.  
  
"Its Monica., Monica here to see me"  
  
Rachel calmly walked to him, close to him.  
  
"You'll be fine " She said with a smile of confidence, She brought her hand to his face, he jerked back in response to her hand on his skin, she wiped around his mouth at the lipstick that had been spread. And returned her eyes to is pants. And at the bulge that was no longer there.  
  
"See look, everything's workin out fine for you. "  
  
He gave a weak attempt at a smile. And she thankfully left without Monica walking past her.  
  
He sat at his desk put his elbows up on the table, he rested his head in his hands his eyes were open wide, he breathed in deep closing his eyes. Trying to regain himself before she showed up.  
  
He heard footsteps in the hallway, and took a deep breath thinking it was her. But the steps disappeared. He stay in this position for a few moments longer, when a scent came across his nose.  
  
It was "Clinique Happy " he knew the smell memorized it, it filled his nose when he was sleeping when he woke up and whenever he saw...  
  
"Monica " She stood before him within inches of his face. And planted a giant kiss on his lips.  
  
"Did you just have a mint? " she asked slyly  
  
He frowned when he realized she tasted Rachel's mint.  
  
"Mon ... " He pushed her off him and pulled her arms from around his neck.  
  
"I brought you a present. " She was happy considering the encounter that was shared between her and Rachel, even happy after he just pushed her off him.  
  
She grabbed her bag and pulled out of it a tiny flower.  
  
He smiled at the site of the tiny weed she gave him. Sure it was just a weed, nothing special just a tiny white flower, but she gave it to him like it was the most beautiful thing in the world. Like she had searched all over for it.  
  
"I was walking.. And I just saw it. Its kinda plain but for some reason it stuck out to me. "  
  
"Sounds like a guy I know" He joked and snickered while twirling the little flower between his fingers watching the little petals fly in the little breeze it got from his twirling.  
  
She smiled. And kissed his cheek close to the side of his mouth. He stopped the twirling and guilt hit him like a baseball bat.  
  
"What's wrong? " she asked serious and backed away from him.  
  
He looked down at his desk. To try and gather his thoughts Or to think of a better way to tell her, there was no good way.  
  
"Mon I ... we uhh.. " He gave a laugh and shook his head. He looked up to her, into her eyes that looked worried.  
  
"Monica ..... "  
  
"Chandler .. what is it? "  
  
He gave her a warm smile, and then it slowly faded. His eyes returned to his desk.  
  
"What do you have to say? "  
  
She waited patiently for a few moments, watching him fidget.  
  
"Say it "  
  
She waited, crossing her arms, he knew she was getting in patient and annoyed,.. Among other things it just wouldn't leave his tongue he wanted so bad to tell her but he couldn't bring himself to say it.  
  
"Chandler just say it ! "  
  
He couldn't think of a good way to say it so h just blurted it out. Probably faster than he should have.  
  
"Monica i kissed Rachel"  
  
"Oh Stop" She laughed and playfully punched his arm. She continued to laugh to herself, when she noticed his serious demeanor.  
  
"Please tell me you're joking " Her voice grew soft, funny he thought he'd have a black eye by now.  
  
She uncrossed her arms, and her hands made their way up to her face. She covered her eyes and let out a sound of disappointment. He listened to her sniff.  
  
"Why? " Her voice went shaky. And recrossed her arms, only this time not aggressively, but seemingly in self defense.  
  
"She was... I couldn't stop her, and before I knew it she was on me kissing me "He moved to touch her arm but she coldly drew away from him.  
  
"Did you kiss her back? " she looked to the floor, and then back to his guilty eyes.  
  
"Mon...... I didn't know what,.. what to do it all happened so fast. " He again tried to grab her arm and again she coldly took a step away from him.  
  
"You didn't know what to do ?! " she looked to the ceiling quickly and then back to him, taking a deep breath of annoyance.  
  
"How bout 'No thanx Rachel' how bout 'Get the hell out of here Rachel' ' Run to Joey again Rachel' ?" her tone grew in volume with each suggestion she gave him. And her defensive manor turned aggressive.  
  
"Monica it's not like that" His tone grew too and he became aggressive back.  
  
"Oh IM sorry, forgive me. Poor Rachel. Poor poor Rachel. " She shook her head 'No.'  
  
"How could you do this to me ? " her voice went soft and her bottom eye lids turned a flush red color, along with her nose, they way they did when she was about to cry.  
  
Her hand went to her face again and she stared at his desk. Seeming to be gathering a few thoughts together. Her hand rested under her nose, it stopped moving when she went to wipe her face. And when she started to stare.  
  
"It wasn't a big deal. It was a 'nothing' kiss "Monica's mouth dropped open and that was his clear sign that he had defiantly said the wrong thing.  
  
"Oh well that's good. See if it were 'something' it would make a huge difference" sarcasm rang through her words.  
  
"Monica. It was just a kiss. A lot of other things could've happened. " Her eyes widened to the size of a 50 cent pieces, and her mouth dropped nearly to the floor.  
  
"Oh.. thank you Chandler, i hadn't thought of that. "  
  
"Mon,... IM sorry. I told you because i didn't want to keep it from you. "  
  
A small smile appeared. But then faded as fast as it formed.  
  
"When did this happen" For the first time her voice sounded reasonable.  
  
"Just, ... not long ago"  
  
"Today? "  
  
"I didn't want to lie to you, by not telling you. "  
  
"Today? " Each time she spoke she sounded more persistent.  
  
"Yes, " Defeat sounded his tone.  
  
She walked to him, without looking to his eyes. She leaned against him, he wondered what she was doing but he didn't care. She looked to his eyes. And moved her face close to him, she hesitated a bit before reaching his lips. He wrapped his arms around her back and returned her kiss.  
  
"No,. I cant. I cant do it. " She tries to push out of his arms. But he holds her close.  
  
"Chandler let go! " And with this he released her harder than he probably should've.  
  
"Mon I told you I was sorry. What more do you want? " He held his hands out to his sides  
  
She said nothing but just hung her head low and gathered the little flower up in between her fingers, avoiding his questions. And his harsh tone. Her anger was building. The one person he trusted had kissed the one person she didn't trust anymore.  
  
"You have no right to yell at me. IM not the one who kissed someone else. "  
  
"Goddamn Monica. It was one little stupid kiss. It was nothing. "  
  
"Mr.Bing" He sighed heavily and without moving his upper body he answered his secretary.  
  
"Yes Helen! "  
  
"Sorry to bother you Mr.Bing, but there a Miss. Rachel Greene here to see you. "  
  
"What ? " his eyes went to Monica which were burning holes in the little machine.  
  
"She claims to have left her purse in your office. "  
  
His eyes went to the spot in his floor, and there it sat neatly tucked up against the leg of the chair. Her eyes found it too.  
  
"Thank you Helen" He moved to speak to Monica again but as interrupted.  
  
"Shall i send her in again ? " He closed his eyes  
  
"Thank you HELEN! " Discreetly trying to tell her to shut up, before she caused more problems. And he turned to Monica.  
  
The room was silent. He bent down and grabbed the bag that occupied his floor. A bag that shouldn't be there, but was. Like a little intruder.  
  
She watched his hands grab the bag and how gently he seemed to hold it. Earlier that day she thought twice about coming to see him, she wishes she would've thought more.  
  
"Its OK Chandler, you don't have to hide it from me, IM sure you will both be very happy together " She sneered.  
  
"Oh will you stop! " His impatience grew and he tossed Rachel's purse onto the chair.  
  
"One kiss Monica,.. "  
  
"Oh so IM only allowed to get mad if you sleep with her? "  
  
He ran his hands through his hair and turned his back to her, walking to his window.  
  
"No but i guess i Should've "  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Yes, it almost happened, right here, yes that's right right here in this floor. But i stopped it because of you "  
  
"Well IM sorry that i am in your way"  
  
"Maybe i should've kept going " He said coldly and returned his glance to the window  
  
She turned her head so he couldn't see the tears that he was making her cry.  
  
"It wouldn't have made a difference to you would it? " She didn't answer instead she clutched her purse strap on her shoulder.  
  
"In your eyes I've already slept with her"  
  
"Well, go ahead you have my permission " She screeched showing just in fact what he had caused.  
  
She stormed out of his office slamming the door behind her, so hard that his window shook.  
  
She walked briskly down the hallway and stopped at the elevator. She brought a hand up to her face as she stood and cried, He didn't walk after her to stop her. Nor did he say anything to her before she left. The elevator was heard stopping for her, and she brought her hand away but wiped at her eyes before looking to the doors as they opened for her.  
  
She made a sarcastic laugh to herself when she saw who was waiting to get off on that floor.  
  
"Oh Mon what's wrong? " Rachel innocently asked. And as soon as she saw the glare that she had been given she knew what was wrong with her.  
  
She smiled lightly. And desperately tried to compensate for the act that almost took place  
  
"Mon it was nothing "  
  
"So I heard " She returned her cold stare and walked past her onto the elevator.  
  
"It really was ... nothing"  
  
She just pushed one of the many buttons just to let Rachel know that she wasn't listening to a thing she was saying.  
  
"Fine Monica don't listen to me."She stepped out of the elevator on his floor.  
  
"I don't plan on it" She slammed the 'door close' button and gave Rachel a 'death stare' while the doors closed.  
  
Monica sat on the couch starring at the blank T.V She heard the front door open but ignored it. She figured it was Chandler or Rachel and she didn't want to talk to either of them.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
Monica tensed at the voice  
  
"Mon?" Joey asked when she didn't respond  
  
Monica whipped the tears that had been lining her eyes and turned around  
  
"Hey Joe"  
  
He held a beer can in his hand. He was walking to the fridge, but stopped when Monica answered. His face instantly became concerned, when he noticed the puffiness around her eyes.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing, I'm fine. Are you looking for something?" she asked trying to change the subject  
  
"Ya does Chandler have any beer or anything?"  
  
"No" she said unable to mask her anger at the mask her anger at the mention of his name  
  
"OK what's wrong?" she began to answer but he cut her off.  
  
"and don't say 'nothing' cause there's obviously something"  
  
"It's not a big deal. I'd really like to be alone right now though" she said trying to get him to leave without being blunt about it. She didn't' like being alone with him since 'the incident' especially when he was drinking.  
  
"I'm not leaving till you tell me what's wrong" his tone made it clear that he wasn't leaving. He took a sip from the can and walked to the couch. He sat down next to her, turning to face her. He noticed her inch away from him, and became slightly angry but shook it off. He took another sip.  
  
Monica sat silent looking at the couch.  
  
"Your about to cry" he said sympathetically.  
  
"Don't cry" It tore him up when she cried.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
She didn't want to talk to him about it, because of what happened the other day, but he was still her best friend right? He was just really drunk the other day and didn't realize what he was doing. She shouldn't be afraid to talk to him or be alone with him.  
  
"Well, Chandler..."  
  
"Your crying over Chandler?" his voice hinted anger.  
  
"What'd he do??"  
  
"We got into a big fight today. We both said some things we shouldn't have"  
  
Monica saw the anger that began to form in Joey's eyes.  
  
"Your the happiest couple I know" he commented unable to hide that aggravation in his voice over the fact.  
  
"I'm sure you'll get through it, whatever it is"  
  
"He kissed Rachel" Monica whispered. As soon as she said it she knew she shouldn't have.  
  
"What!" the anger in his eyes became intense. He jumped up from the couch.  
  
Monica tensed at his reaction  
  
"He cheated on you!" he yelled beginning to pace  
  
Monica was suprised that was the part he was focusing on. She figured he would be more pissed about Rachel  
  
"Why the fuck would he do that! What an asshole! I'd never cheat on you"  
  
"What??"  
  
"Where is he?" He asked seething, ignoring her question  
  
"At work why?"  
  
"Shouldn't he be home by now?"  
  
"Ya, but he has to work late"  
  
"Really?" Joey said calming down a bit, sitting back on the couch "I can't believe he'd do that. I would never hurt you" Joey said in a whisper  
  
Monica looked up to see him moving his face in closer to hers  
  
"Uhh Joey, Chandler will be here any minute now, he'll be here " She jumped up from the couch and made her way to the door signaling that it was time for him to go.  
  
"I thought you said he was working late? " He had a grin on his face, she couldn't interpret what it meant, but she knew it couldn't be good.  
  
"Yeah,.. well he does call and sometimes he,... You know what Joey. Its been a trying day. Can we talk about this later? " she opened the apartment door and he made his way to her.  
  
"Yeah I need to go to sleep anyway,..Audition. " He exited the apartment and she breathed a heavy sigh of relief.  
  
She made her way to her bedroom turning out the light in the kitchen, and taking a shoe off, with her next step her second shoe would be removed, this was a nightly ritual.  
  
Just after turning out the light in the living room and her hand reached its destination of her bedroom door knob. She heard someone enter the apartment. They were quiet an so she though it was Rachel.  
  
She heard a thump get closer to her and she froze. It wasn't Rachel. As much as she despised him at this moment she silently prayed that it was Chandler.  
  
"Ow damn table " She gasped quietly it was Joey what was he doing here? God please make him leave.  
  
"Joey? Can I help you with something? "Her voice shook he could tell that she was nervous towards his presence.  
  
"Forgot my beer, sorry you weren't sleepin yet were ya? "  
  
"No, I was just getting ready for bed."  
  
"Your not gonna wait for Chandler? Isn't he going to be home soon?"  
  
"Umm. I. ya but I'm too tired to wait up"  
  
"Sounds like you had a rough day"  
  
"You have no idea, . goodnight"  
  
Monica began to enter her room  
  
"Do you mind if I get something to eat before I go? Since I'm already here"  
  
She turned around "Uh...i don't know Joe"  
  
"What?" he asked confused  
  
Monica sighed.  
  
"Turn off the light when you leave" when she entered her room she locked the door. She never locked it but it felt right. She began to change into her pajamas when she realized that Chandler wouldn't be able to get in if the door was locked. She decided to wait till Joey left to unlock the door.  
  
The noise in the kitchen soon stopped once it started. The kitchen light clicked off. She listened for the door to close as she laid in bed but it never came. Either she had missed the sound or Joey was still in the apartment. She prayed with all she had that it wasn't the later. Finally a couple minutes later the door could be heard opening and closing. Monica breathes a sigh of relief. She gets up and unlocks the bedroom door. She leaves the lamp on her in table on waiting for Chandler to get home so she could sleep.  
  
He wasn't drunk she knew that but with even a few beers saying or doing the wrong thing could set him off. He was nothing like Joey when he was drinking, and that scared her. She had already experienced what he was like and had no aspiration to again.  
  
Fifteen minutes later she got up to use the bathroom, she shut the bedroom door behind her. It was completely dark in the apartment she couldn't see her hand in front of her face. Her eyes weren't adjusted to the dark because of the light on in her room. If she they were she would have saw Joey sitting on the couch sipping a new beer. His eyes were adjusted to the darkness so he could see a lot better than she could. He watched her enter the bathroom and waited for her to come out.  
  
She brushed her teeth and her hair and was ready to go wait for Chandler. Inside she still hated him for what he had done but for comfort she needed him with her. She felt his arms could protect her from an explosion. And maybe she was right. She hated what he had done earlier and then she wouldve sworn him off. But she needed him. Rachel wasn't going to win. Not him.  
  
She made her way through the darkness much like she usually did her arms extended and her eyes open as far as she could get them, she was just inside the light of the bathroom so now it was harder for her eyes to quickly adjust.  
  
She walked the length from the bathroom door and to the refrigerator, misjudging where the tiny step was, she tumbled over it and almost found herself face down in the floor. As soon as she felt what held her up blood flashed through her body.  
  
Out of reflex she screamed, and his big massive hand covered her mouth to muffle her screams.  
  
"Shh you're gonna fall" He tried to carefully bring her to her feet. But she thrashed about trying to free herself from him.  
  
She did as planned except he made no effort to keep her from falling to the ground. She hit the floor hard with only her hands catching her as she hit. She grunted when the full force of her body came with her.  
  
Her eyes were adjusting the light from the window shown brighter now and helped her to see more of her surroundings. She could see he was still there and she cringed at the thought that he hadn't left.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Joey asked kneeling down next to her.  
  
"Are you afraid of me?"  
  
Monica's face scrunched up at the smell of his breathe, it reeked of liquor. She scrabbled up to her feet backing up to the front door. Joey walked towards her.  
  
"You ... you need to go now" she shakily opened the door and felt around for the light switch.  
  
Joey caught up to her and slammed the door shut.  
  
"I don't think in *need* to go anywhere and I don't' think I want to."  
  
He reached down and locked the door. Then turned to Monica who had sunk into the corner.  
  
"What's wrong Mon?" Joey said as a small smile played on his face.  
  
"Did that scare you?" he mocked her in a baby like tone. He moved closer to her bringing his lips to hers.  
  
"Joey please " she begged with him. And his dark brown eyes met hers and inside she saw nothing but a cold stare.  
  
He backed away from her but just a few inches.  
  
"Chandler can have fun,.. why cant you?" And before she could muster enough strength to push him off her again he was there. Just inches in front of her face.  
  
"Just don't fight me " His eyes remained cold, and a flash of terror ran over her body.  
  
"What are you gonna do? " she begged with him more. But like before it proved useless.  
  
His face came closer and pushed her head against the door, and he was there. Kissing her roughly, his lips his hands he was there.  
  
She tried to fight his mouth off her but he was too strong he had her pinned against the door and he was just too strong.  
  
The kiss was deep and hard. She could taste the alcohol on him, and the passion in his movements. When they weren't returned she felt him grip her arm tighter. She closed her eyes tight trying to calm herself down this was her friend Joey, he wasn't going to hurt her was he?  
  
"Joey stop! " she yelled as loud as she could praying that if Rachel were home she would hear and stop him. But she wasn't. He room was dark and the door lay open and she could see that she was not inside.  
  
"Please stop" she muttered again, trying to slink to the floor, but every inch she moved he was with her.  
  
"Mon don't be afraid of me, IM not gonna hurt you "  
  
And for seconds she felt comfort in what he said, until his hands gave her other thoughts. She pushed them away but he was persistent in letting her know his needs. She tried to shrug it off he was just drunk.  
  
She wedged herself past him and she jumped up to flick the kitchen light on. He was still kneeling by the door, and slowly lifted himself not losing sight of her frightful eyes the whole time. She awkwardly smiled, trying to push it away as a drunken mistake, but that's not at all what it was.  
  
She knew it, but she wouldn't let herself admit it. Chandler would come soon and Joey would leave.  
  
Once to his feet he made a motion towards her, the look in his eyes gave away his intentions and she felt herself tense up again, what if Chandler doesn't make it back in time? What was going to happen?  
  
"Mon.."  
  
"Joey, IM really tired could you please"  
  
"He hurt you,. "  
  
She flickered her eyes around trying to figure out how that could come about in a conversation about him leaving.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I would never hurt you" He stood by her and ran a finger over her cheek softly. She jerked away at his touch, and at her action his eyes flinched and narrowed to her.  
  
"Joey"She whispered while his massive hands cupped her face and he kissed her lightly on the lips.  
  
"Just let this happen Mon "  
  
"Joey i "  
  
"Because its going to happen weather you want it to or not " Terror rushed through her body and she became limp in his hands. She made a small muffled grunt and her body started to shake around her eyes began to get red and she fought back the tears but they began to well up in her eyes.  
  
She managed to fight them back before they fell but he had seen them.  
  
"Don't be afraid, IM not going to hurt you " She peered into his dark hollow eyes.  
  
"Unless you want me too " He smirked and pulled her to him quickly, giving her a deep sensual kiss that which she tried to get out of but there was no way out. Her tiny hands fought to get his off her face and from her neck and when he felt this he aggressively pulled away and looked to her.  
  
Her face was twisted with fear, fear of him one hand remained on her neck.  
  
"I told you i wasn't going to hurt you, it seems like you want me too "  
  
He griped her neck and her hands fought more, not just to get them off her but to breathe.  
  
He pushed her down to the floor with his hand and then removed it. She gasped hard and breathed fast trying to catch her breath.  
  
"I don't want you to hurt me "  
  
"Aww " He mocked her again using his baby tone.  
  
"Joey Please don't " her body began to tense up again, and she pushed away from him.  
  
"I told you,.. This is going to happen whether you want it to ,..... or not "She began to cry uncontrollably begging him to stop. But he wouldn't, he was pressing her body into the floor with his both her hands were held tightly in just one of his much like the day before, He was so strong, too strong.  
  
He kissed her neck and let his free hand roam where ever it pleased. Not giving in one-second to her demands.  
  
She tried to kick her legs under him tog get him to move off her that just made him lay into her more.  
  
"Oh you're rough, I like that " he smirked and tried to kiss her. She let him and returned it just to get him close to her she kissed him back passionately, and bit down hard, as he felt her he pulled away as fast he could.  
  
Furious with her attempt to get him off her, he wrapped his hand around her neck again pushing her hard into the floor.  
  
"Chandler may let you do these things " He leaned in close to her and eerily whispers.  
  
"But I wont " He forces his way between her legs and she continues to thrash about trying to get free. But all of her attempts proved useless doing no good except making her body too weak to hold him off longer.  
  
His hand began to roam again this time not halting to her begging. She closed her eyes and felt his hands on her moving all over her body. Her tears were falling another would form before the last had time to leave her cheek, and he didn't care.  
  
"IM gonna make you love me " he grunted on her and his hand didn't seem to be the problem anymore.  
  
Her eyes remained squeezed shut, if she didn't see it than it wouldn't be real. But it was, she could hear him smell him ... feel him. She managed to hold back her tears.  
  
She felt his hand fall upon her now exposed chest, and the tears were unable to be held. She sobbed heavily not masking any part of it. She cringed under his touch and her body was forced to respond. Her eyes opened and the severity of the situation was becoming more and more visible.  
  
She looked him in the eye as a tear rolled out of her eye.  
  
"I will never love you"  
  
His eyes widened and he brought his hand off her body and slammed her head and neck back onto the floor with his hand.  
  
"Oh you'll love me,. you'll have no choice. "  
  
She lay calm and for seconds she thought her was going to leave her. But she was wrong.  
  
"Never " she whispered under the pressure of his hand and he gripped her tighter as lifted himself off her and she watched him while he ripped her under wear off her body underneath him. He climb back on top of her and fumble with is belt buckle.  
  
She closed her eyes and grit her teeth as a single tear fell to the floor. She let out a straggled gasp when he entered her. And winced at the pain and shock of it. His free hand cupped her mouth. Her eyes flashed open and they were wide. Before they were calm and sure that he would leave. Now they were full of shame and fear that this was actually happening.  
  
She began to sob again as he began to victimize her over and over again, her breath through her nose could be heard quite loud making up for the impaired use of her mouth. Her eyes were slightly open but from the pressure of Joey's hand on her mouth they were squinted shut, she couldn't look down or at him, and she didn't want to look in either places.  
  
Her heart had sank as far as it could go and she was lost in her own pit of shame. He was supposed to be her friend. 


	5. The Darkness

[Authors Note's: We thank you all for your wonderful reviews, I thought you'd burn us at the steak for that one! Though I am glad you didn't. If you're wondering if things get better for Monica than read on. I hope we don't disappoint you]  
  
[Disclaimer: UGH We don't own these people Jesus, get over it! ]  
  
The Darkness  
  
Her eyes were blood red from the tears that had been and are still being shed. She struggled to breath through her nose, as her mouth was still covered. He watched her intently and he somewhat enjoyed her sobs.  
  
"IM gonna move my hand, don't scream "he said with a tone of warning. As she solemnly shook her head 'yes' he removed his hand to reveal her quivering chin and dry lips. He smiled down to her under him and for this moment he ceased to move. He moved himself down to kiss her.  
  
She coldly and slowly just before his lips could meet with hers she turned her head to the side, and stared an item across the room focusing on it so she would not lose her composure. She would not let him see the victim he so desperately wanted her to now be. She would not give him that satisfaction.  
  
He dropped her hands as a test to make her fight him. She did nothing but lay. She continued to cry there was no stopping it. Her body shook there was no stopping it, but the muscles in her legs that were struggling to fight him off gave into him and let him in. She closed her eyes again and tried to fight the waterfalls flowing from her eyes, but like before trying to stop it only made it grow.  
  
She prayed for it to end. She wanted it to be over, but she knew it would never be over. The pain would remain long after he left her. Life would never be the same. Nothing would be the same.  
  
She thought about Chandler, sitting at his desk oblivious to what was going on in this apartment this night. She would do anything to have him with her, to hold her and tell her that it would be OK. But he wasn't, and he could no longer be. She betrayed him by letting his best friend inside her. This was not her choice, it never would have been, but it was wrong, and no one could ever know.  
  
She grunted from the weight he put on her his last time inside. As did he from the pleasures that went through his body. She cringed when she felt him let himself go inside of her. He kissed her cheek as a polite gesture to this monstrous act he had just created.  
  
"See that wasn't so bad " He climbed off her, standing on his knees to adjust his pants before Rachel would come to him.  
  
"Good girl " He bent down to kiss her cheek and her last remaining tears slid carelessly from her eye. She moved her hands to cover herself, as if he hadn't already seen her. She desperately tried not to show him her fears, but there was no hiding it. He had made her the victim he wanted.  
  
He grabbed her face with his massive hand and forced her to look him in the eye.  
  
"You tell anyone,. I meen anyone.... I'll do it again "His eyes buried deep in hers, and she knew this was no warning, this was a promise. He looked at his precious victim on the floor and smiled at what he had made her.  
  
She didn't move after her door was shut, after all her silent praying he was gone. She sit on the floor grasping her shirt around her exposed body, crying. That was all she could do 'you'll be OK when he leaves ' That's what she told herself. But it wasn't OK, it still felt like he was with her, inside of her.  
  
What's going to happen to her now? What's going to happen to Chandler?  
  
She couldn't ever tell him, not only would Joey force himself on her again, she would lose him, what would he think of her if he knew? What would they all think? They couldn't know, ... none of them could know.  
  
She tried to push past it and be happy with the silence he left her with. But his words clung to the inside of her ear and she heard it over and over again. He wouldn't really do it again would he? She brought a hand to her neck and rubbed at the soreness that he gave her. And she quickly wiped away at the remnants of the thousands of tears that left her face this night.  
  
She clutched her shirt close to her body afraid to let herself lay exposed to the air. She slowly pulled her weak tired body up off the floor, she had tried so hard to fight him off, and he was so strong she barely had an energy left to take herself to the bathroom.  
  
Her legs were the weakest for they didn't stop the fight until it was almost over. She met herself in the mirror and saw the face that stared back at her. Red eyes and tear streaked cheeks. It wasn't her, it was someone else. This wasn't her, it wasn't her on the floor laying helplessly under him. It was a dream that's all it was.  
  
She could only pretend so long before the reality hit her again.  
  
Desperate to wash him off her but he wouldn't leave no matter how hard she tried. This was a dream that's all it was. He was never with her, it didn't happen, and life was normal. She tried, but there was no convincing herself.  
  
She replaced her shirt with pajamas and carried her tired body to bed.  
  
The apartment was dark as she had left it again, not trusting it she walked as fast as her legs would take her. She reached the safety of her room and shut and locked the door behind her. She sighed relief when the door clicked when being locked and she turned to face her bed that she couldn't see. She had remembered leaving her light on. Someone must have turned it out.  
  
She told herself not to worry that he was gone, but the feeling couldn't be shaken that he was still there. She sat on the edge of her bed pulling her covers back. Weary of any noise that might be him any movement that he might make, and thankfully there was nothing. Nothing but the cold silence.  
  
She laid her tired body on her bed and she felt for the first time slight relaxation.  
  
His massive arm enveloped her like a blanket and it sent her screaming into the air she ran for her door and she felt him behind her, he grabbed her fast and hard placing a hand over her mouth that didn't stop but only muffled the scream she was emitting. She took a breath and began thrashing about landing her foot square in his crotch where she wanted it.  
  
She heard him grunt and hit the floor on his knees, she fumbled with the lock but she couldn't grasp it her nerves wouldn't let her. He was up and on her harder this time cautious of her feet. He slammed her hard into the door and he flipped the light switch and her eyes immediately went shut as reflex from the light, and reflex from knowing who she would see.  
  
"Shh shhhh " His hand fought to quieten her. As her hands fought to keep her mouth free. He pulled her around to face him and his arms pinned her to him.  
  
"Shh Monica. It's me "Chandler's worried and scared eyes went all over her face wondering why she had reacted that way to his touch. Her body was shaking and trembling and her sobs were noticed by him now. She thought he was Joey no doubt, it never crossed her mind that it might be him. She couldn't stop her body from showing the fear it was in and she couldn't stop her tears.  
  
"IM sorry " She etched out through her gasps for air, and through her tears.  
  
"What's wrong ? " He grabbed her arms tighter, and she closed her eyes and saw Joey, they way he pinned her to the floor Chandler had her to the door. She pushed his arms away but out of only concern she couldn't see, but he kept bringing them back. And everytime his hand touched her skin it felt like Joey was all over her again.  
  
"Don't touch me " she sounded cold and he didn't know why. He stood in front of her, a sobbing mess against her door she had thrown his hands off her. She desperately tried to calm herself but her breathing was still irratic. And his innocent eyes pleaded hers to tell him what was wrong.  
  
He wiped a tear from under her eye and moved to hug her, she felt his hand on her face and she felt Joey's hand on her mouth She heard Chandler's voice but saw Joey's face. She felt Chandler's touch as she felt Joey's.  
  
He pulled her into his hug and she let him. Pushing Joey out of her mind. This was Chandler he would never hurt her. She cried in his arms and he still didn't know why. He did nothing except what he thought he should do and he held her tight.  
  
His tight embrace made her feel Joey's. Chandler could offer no touch that wouldn't feel like his. And she pushed him off her.  
  
"Please don't touch me " She said her voice shaky and you could hear her desperation and her crying. He moved his hand to rub her face and saw when she jerked away. He took a step towards her and she moved herself as far onto the door as she could get.  
  
"Please stop " She was reliving Joey all over again, pinned against the door no way out except past him. It was Chandler she knew but Joey wouldn't leave her mind. He looked at her so confused as she let her body to fall to the floor. He kneeled to the floor to be with her even though he had no idea what was going on.  
  
Time passed slowly few minutes felt like few hours. And the silence only made it seem longer.  
  
"Is this about Rachel ? " he said looking into her red eyes. And got a blank stare in return.  
  
"Monica,.. she meens nothing to me,.. I love you "Those words stung her now, she needed them an hour ago but where were they? They hurt her, and they shouldn't have.  
  
"Don't " she was still heavily sobbing, and she wrapped her arms around her knees that were up near her face. Trying to protect herself from this feeling that Joey had left her with.  
  
Chandler's face signaled annoyance, why not? He didn't know what was going on, to him this was all about his tryst earlier with Rachel. He remained kneeling with her she tried to get herself as far away from him as she could but she couldn't seem to get far enough.  
  
"Yes,., " She stated calmly, leaving him confused again.  
  
"Yes, what? " she could hear the irritation in his voice.  
  
"This is about Rachel." Her voice was still shaken but it was calm. He couldn't believe what she had said. It was a lie yes, she couldn't possibly tell him what had really happened.  
  
"It was just so hard seeing that, everytime you touch me it feels like " She stopped her sentence and felt the painful sting of reality. It had really happened, and no matter what she said to him she knew she had to tell him.  
  
"We need to talk" Her face was so guilty and with her matching tone she stood to meet him in his new spot.  
  
"No, Monica we don't " He skillfully unlocked the door that gave her such hell just few seconds earlier. He made his way to the living room walking quickly this told her that he wasn't too happy to be in her presence.  
  
"This isn't about Rachel, I was ."  
  
"Lying? " He faced her, and she saw the anger in his face. If only he could understand. She had to make him understand. She walked swiftly to match his pace, and babbled things trying to make him stop.  
  
They left the safety of her apartment and he made his way inside his, but something stopped her from following him inside. She stopped herself from entering and she stood in the middle of the hall begging for him to join her. He stood with his back to her. Listening to her pleas, and he couldn't make himself stay away.  
  
He turned and faced her, he looked now less angry and more caring. And he asked her what was so important that she had to say. She remembered what Joey had said to her, and she froze before a word of it could come out.  
  
"What Monica?. What do you have to say? " His words demanded answers and his tone reminded her of the very reason she wouldn't enter that apartment. She broke down in the hall afraid of Joey's words, afraid of what he would do.  
  
"I can't tell you " Her words barely translatable through her tears.  
  
He knew the incident with Rachel earlier wasn't enough to make her act this way. He walked to her his eyes now showing concern for her.  
  
"Mon,.. what's wrong? "He took her into his arms and walked her into his apartment, shutting the door behind him. Her body tensed to be in this place so close to him.  
  
"I shouldn't be in here " She pulled away from him making her way to the door he shut.  
  
"Mon what'd you have to tell me ? " He called out before she could leave him, she turned to answer him with an excuse, and there he was.  
  
"Yeah Mon what'd you have to tell him? " Joey's voice rang in her ears. And the sight of him made her body shake.  
  
"Nothing,. I. it was nothing "She spoke her voice shook and her whole body tensed from being so nervous. Chandler's face was twisted with confusion, he looked at her waiting for an explation. Joey stared into her eyes watching her shrink down to nothing in front of him.  
  
"Chandler please.....come over to bed, ... please" She sounded more dependent on him to sleep in her bed more than she really wanted him to be there.  
  
"Please"  
  
"I'll be there..... in a minute "He saw her frantically glancing back to Joey. Who for some reason was still there. She walked across the hall wondering if he would really come to her.  
  
"Joe ... there somethin goin on between you two ? " His brow was narrow and he rested a hand on the bar while he moved closer to his friend.  
  
"Nahh why ? " Chandler shook his head no and looked to the floor.  
  
"What'd she have to say? " Joey asked trying to sound friendly.  
  
"Nothing, ... you walked in before she could finish " He noticed a look come across Joey's face, he couldn't pin point what kind of look it was.  
  
She laid in her dark room with her blankets pulled up to her chin, she scrunched herself into a tiny ball and she waited for him. Hoping that he would be there soon, Worrying that it would be Joey to join her instead. The door could be heard opening and the soft footsteps could be heard.  
  
She held her breath as she watched the shadow move to her. The darkness hid his identity. He stumbled over the tiny step, and cursed to himself. She let out a sigh of relief it was Chandler.  
  
He removed his shoes but remained fully clothed. She pulled him closer to her, she shrank into his arms everytime he would move or shift in the bed, she would jolt awake thinking that Joey had come into her room, every noise she heard she convinced herself could be Joey.  
  
All night she stayed buried in Chandler's arms. Occasionally peeking over them to see that her bedroom door remained shut. Her body quivered under his touch. She tried not too but she couldn't make it stop.  
  
She closed her eyes escaping into her dreams, dreams where she was happy and nothing had happened. She was in her kitchen cooking dinner to surprise Chandler with when he came home, she was so happy to see him. So happy. Someone came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her and he swung her around. And it was Joey he threw her against her cabinets spilling food and drink into the floor. He put a hand to her neck and squeezed tight to the point where she thought she would pass out.  
  
She gasped and her eyes shot open fighting off the arms and hands that she felt on her. He jerked away from a hand just before it landed on his face. And quickly pushed himself far away from her reach.  
  
"Monica...what the hell are you doing? " his voiced calmed her, it was Chandler she was only dreaming. She caught her breath and he teetered dangerously on the edge of the bed wondering if she was OK, or if she was going to have another go at blackening his eye.  
  
"I'm sorry...it was a dream. IM sorry "She rubbed her forehead, and he watched him scoot towards her, being cautious with his movements.  
  
Small tears formed in her eye the dream was so real. Her breathing was calmer and Chandler pulled her to lay in his arms again. His lips landed a small kiss on top of her head. And brushed the hair out of her face.  
  
"It's OK...I'll protect you " He was smiling she could tell. He planted another kiss on her head and tried to ease himself back into sleep, he adjusted the wrinkled up jeans he was still wearing and sighed heavily before drifting off. Leaving her alone in the darkness yet again.  
  
She woke up again for what she could only guess to be the 30th time.The light shinned through her window waking her up and the rustling outside her door rattled her out of bed. She rolled to meet the empty spot that should've been filled in by Chandler. It scared her to think of how long she was alone.  
  
She reluctantly rolled out of the bed not wanting to face anyone after what happened. She shuddered thinking of the night and prayed her apartment wasn't full of their friends like it was almost every morning.  
  
She braced herself before opening the door knowing that there was a great chance Joey would be among the group on the other side. She opened the door and took a deep breath entering her living room. A small sigh escaped her lips when she noticed Joey was not present. Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe were sitting on the couch staring blankly at the t.v three coffee cups sat on the table in from of them.  
  
"Hey " Chandler managed a weak smile, still confused about the night before. And the way she acted.  
  
"Hi" she stood cautious in her door way, scanning the room for any sign of him.  
  
He stood up from the couch and made his way to her.  
  
"Did you have a bad dream last night?" he asked raising his hand to remove a piece of hair out of her face. Before his hand could reach her skin she jerked back tucking the strand of hair away before he could reach it.  
  
"No why" she nervously moved away from him.  
  
"Is this about last night" He meant her constant jerking and pulling away from him Her eyes plead guilty before him, and no matter how many times she answered no, he knew there was something wrong. Something too big to be passed off as being mad about Rachel.  
  
She tore her gaze from Chandler and redirected it over his shoulder when she heard movement in the bathroom.  
  
"Yeah a bad dream, ... that's what it was." she whispered still not realizing her gaze from the door.  
  
"Where's Rachel?" Monica quickly made note of everyone in the room.  
  
Chandler's brow furrowed  
  
"At work, I think, why?"  
  
The harsh realization that the only person it could be was Joey hit her like a ton of bricks. The bathroom door opened and sure enough Joey entered the living room. Monica's breath caught in her throat as her whole body tensed. Chandler noticed her tense and turned to see what she was looking at but all he saw was Joey. He locked eyes with her and gave her a wink.  
  
"Morning Mon" Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes flashed to see if chandler had noticed her sudden change. And he did. He got a strange look on his face. And she smiled to him trying to mask the inkling of fear that wouldn't leave her.  
  
She looked to the floor and saw the returned look Joey gave her, it was forceful and she felt like he was all over her again. And the look Chandler gave her accused her of many things. She turned and entered her bedroom shutting the door in his face.  
  
"Can we talk?" Chandler turned to Joey, accusing him of the same things as Monica.  
  
"Yeah sure" he followed chandler across the hall and into their apartment. Before Joey could reach the inside Chandler's words pounced on him like a cheetah to its prey.  
  
"What the hell is going on? " He got a shocked look from Joey, and he was convinced that something was going on between he and Monica.  
  
She heard them leave the apartment. Her body went weak and she buried herself in her blankets. She felt like running to Joey screaming "I didn't tell him anything " She felt like surrendering herself to him, so the torture would end.  
  
And then there was the part of her that never wanted to leave her bed again. Seeing him so soon after, was like throwing salt on her fresh wounds. She curled in and cried. Hoping Chandler would come make it all go away. But he couldn't.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about? " Joey's voice became defensive, and it pretty much told Chandler that his suspicions were true. Something was going on.  
  
"I saw the way you two looked at each other"  
  
"Nothing happened Chandler " he walked around to the other side of the bar and sat. Giving Chandler an annoyed look the whole way there.  
  
"Someone's having trust issues" Joey said trying to be playful, he looked away acting as if he knew nothing.  
  
"Why would i have trust issues? "  
  
"Well you think because you go around kissin other people that she's doin it too "  
  
"Wait, how'd you know about that? " he moved closer to the bar where Joey was firmly seated. With a strong look in his eyes he demanded answers.  
  
"Ok,..Mon was upset last night.. so we talked. But that's it! " He got up and made his way to his bedroom.  
  
"Seriously man trust issues " He added for good measure. Just before plopping down into his bed for a mid morning nap.  
  
He ran a hand through his hair 'So it has to be the Rachel thing ' he thought to himself. It could be nothing else. He had to talk to her, he had to know what was going on. And something was defiantly going on.  
  
"Mon....are.... are you awake? " He peered into the dull bedroom, shades closed curtains pulled. Darkness enveloped her.  
  
"Yes, " She could barely be hear from her blanket fortress she had put herself in. She was sniffling a little trying to clear her voice. So that he wouldn't hear her a sobbing mess.  
  
He pushed the door open to see clothes strewn about her bedroom floor which was a very 'UN-Monica' thing to do. He eyes focused on a shirt and he picked it up to examine it.  
  
"Are you OK ? " He busied himself examining the shirt. Before she could answer he threw another question to her.  
  
"What the hell happened to this shirt? " She tossed herself out of bed and ripped the shirt out of his hands. It was the shirt Joey ripped off her chest, buttons were missing, threads of string were tattered over the places where buttons used to be. A tiny blood stain on the bottom where she had sat on it before getting up. Under her eyes turned a flush shade of red.  
  
"It's ......... old "She held the shirt close to her protecting it's truth from him. She turned her back on him, and brought a hand up, she cupped her face, to muffle the sounds of her tears.  
  
"Monica.. what is wrong with you? " He put his arm on her shoulder and her body jerked at the feel of it. He pulled his hand away from her hard.  
  
"Why do you do that? What'd i do ? "  
  
"You didn't do anything Chandler " Her voice was still and somber, and her hands were still desperately gripping her tattered shirt.  
  
"Tell me what it is " He reached a hand and grabbed her firm, turning her around to face him, revealing freshly shed tear streaks. His eyes looked concerned and confused. She wished she didn't have to lie to him.  
  
She let her hand rest on the side of his face.  
  
"Chandler I ..." She started speaking soft and warm, someone entering the apartment disrupted her sentence. Her eyes froze on him. Chandler saw the change he looked to Joey standing, he was looking at Monica. As soon as chandler's gaze found his he turned his head fast as if he weren't looking.  
  
Her eyes laid back to Chandler, full of a guilt she couldn't shake. Full of a guilt that shouldn't be. She smiled to him shortly trying to cover the look that he saw. Her smile enraged him, his angry eyes started back into hers. Suddenly he knew what was going on. His eyes accused her more. Just before he left the room.  
  
He rushed out of the apartment.  
  
"Chandler.. where you goin ? " Ross called to him. But he got no answer. He stormed out the apartment, stopping to look in the eyes of the "Best Friend " Who he knew as sleeping with his girlfriend. He looked deep into Joey's dark eyes.  
  
He shook his head at him, Joey returned it with confusion. And Chandler pushed past him and let the door slam in his face.  
  
"What was that all about? " Ross added.  
  
Joey flung the door open to chase after him. Letting the door slam once again.  
  
"OK can anyone even hear me" A very irritated Ross shouted. Just before hearing Monica's door shut. And he gave an absent look to Phoebe who busied herself doing other things than listening to him.  
  
"Chandler,. what the hell was that? " he approached to the bar where Chandler was hunched into a sitting.  
  
"Just tell me what the hell is goin on here. " His head remained in his hands.  
  
"Monica didn't tell you? " He knew she hadn't told him, there would be a totally different reaction if she had. And he knew she knew better.  
  
His head came out of his hands and his wide eyes were enough for Joey to tell.  
  
"No,. she didn't tell me. "  
  
"Good cuz nothin happened. You're just being paranoid Chandler "He reasoned with himself and convinced himself that paranoia was the answer. At least it would be for now.  
  
Joey had successfully evaded another interrogation. He walked by him still sitting at the bar confused of everything. It's as if a whole months events went on without him and he was totally lost. The something caught his eye.  
  
"What happened to your hand Joe ? " Joey brought his hand to attention, seeming to be noticing this for the first time also.  
  
"Oh a cut. "  
  
"From what? Looks pretty nasty "He brought his hand up again to examine the wound.  
  
"Fabric " Chandler looked confused.  
  
"How can fabric cut you? And what the hell were you doing in the laundry room? " Joey laughed a little bit.  
  
"Had a hot date the other night,.... "  
  
"And? "  
  
"You see Chandler.. Sometimes there's not enough time for buttons. Sometimes you get so into it you just rip things off. " He smiled proudly. Realization hit Chandler like a sixteen wheeler. And it hit him hard.  
  
"So ya ripped her shirt off huh? "  
  
"Yeah baby " He smiled still, and Chandler looked to the floor, his suspicions were right. Everything made sense why she wouldn't let him touch her. Her shirt practically shredded in places. Nearly falling to the floor from the weight of guilt everytime she was around him.  
  
The puzzle was coming together now.  
  
Her pillow cushioned her head, the blankets protected her from the air. Her tears could not be seen, her sobs could not be heard. They wont know as long as she stays in here.  
  
Suddenly the door swung open slamming into the wall behind it. She must have jumped three feet off the surface of her bed. She faced the person at the door.  
  
"You're fucking him aren't you? " His tone shocked her she looked around innocently.  
  
"No! Nothing like that! " Ross and Phoebe jolted to the new noises around them. And they exchanged looks, and tried to leave, but the curiosity of the situation kept them there. The yelling was new to them. Today was normal until now for them.  
  
"Then what the hell is going on? " He yelling ceased to desist. Joey heard from across the hall, and came running to see what it was. And that he had to save Monica from Chandler's yells.  
  
"Nothing Chandler "  
  
"That's bullshit Monica and you know it "  
  
"Chandler..don't yell at her " Ross and Phoebe were innocent bystanders, just moving their heads from one scene to another. Confused.  
  
He pushed her into her bedroom and shut and locked the door behind him. He backed her up until she fell onto her bed, she quickly sat up. Thinking that last night would replay except this time with Chandler.  
  
"Monica tell me what is going on " He was calm, and he bent down to look her in the eye. Her eyes wanted so badly to tell him the truth he could tell, something was holding her back.  
  
"I can't " She started to break down again, she tried to hide her face from him, but he grabbed her chin. And planted a small loving kiss, and instead of being repulsed by it she melted into it. And then he pulled away. She cried to the memory of being able to have that kiss anytime she wanted.  
  
"Please tell me " he kissed her again, and again. Begging her to tell him. But she couldn't.  
  
"Chandler...please stop, I can't tell you " She was crying and he was almost to it too, he hated to see her so torn up about something. And he had no idea how to make her feel better.  
  
"You trust me don't you? "  
  
"Yes, " She etched out  
  
"Then tell me " He kissed her, and a tear fell from his eye.  
  
"Tell me what's wrong with you " He put his hands on either side of her face and felt the wetness caused by her crying.  
  
"If you trust me than tell me " He didn't want to cry, he knew something was seriously wrong with her. And she wouldn't let him help her.  
  
"Chandler i- "  
  
"Monica please " His eyes begged her and his hands remained on her face. She reached up and rubbed one hand that was on her. She then removed them with her hands looking at them, watching her tears fall on them. She couldn't look into him, the guilt was too much how could she have done this to him?  
  
"I can't be with you if you don't trust me " He gripped her hands.  
  
"Tell me " His words so soft they were bearly able to be heard. She looked away from his eyes, the blue lit up like a torch. She looked at his hands and fought with herself to tell him. And she fought not to tell him. She continued crying her straggled sobs were the only thing he heard.  
  
She looked back to him, her eye lashes were wet, her lips were dry, she was clutching his hands hard. And he felt her loosen her grip and let go. And that was her answer. She wouldn't let him know what it was that was killing her.  
  
He just looked away from her. She could still be heard sobbing he looked to the floor that he was still kneeling on. His hands remained in her lap. His blue torches burned inside of her soul trying to find what it was that she needed to say. His heart broke into a million pieces.  
  
"Then I can't be with you " She slowly shook her head no, she couldn't believe he was saying it. HE can't be saying it. She wouldn't listen and she'd make him not listen too. She brought herself to her feet to meet him and her hands went against his skin.  
  
She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. She desperatly fought with herself to tell him. But Joey's words wouldn't let her. She couldn't let him do that to her again.  
  
"Please don't leave me " She began to cry again, her eyes burned and her head ached from all the tears that had left her in these past few days. Her heart was about to explode, she couldn't be without him. Not now who would protect her from him at night? Who would be there for her when she needed to cry?  
  
No one.  
  
He turned from her taking her hands off him, for the hand that he would remove the other would go back on him, she made a promise to herself, she won't push him away anymore. She would welcome his touch his kiss his hug. She wanted him.  
  
He held her hands away from him and looked into her eyes. She could see the hurt behind them and wondered if he could see hers too.  
  
"Bye Mon " he tore his gaze away from hers and turned to walk to the door. His body stopped him before turning the door knob he couldn't do it, he couldn't leave her. He could hear her behind him sniffling.  
  
He threw a look her way before pushing himself out the door. Leaving her alone in the darkness yet again.  
  
That night she couldn't sleep. It was cold and she was alone. Her feet hit the cold wood floors and she tip toed to her door. She tried to be quite and she tried to hurry. He door knob turned with a tiny squeak her door was open, releasing her into the dark apartment.  
  
She looked everywhere before leaving, since being in the dark all day and night her eyes were adjusted, but there were places she couldn't see, things she thought was Joey, things she knew was Joey.  
  
Despite this paranoia she walked into the living room not pausing for a single second she knew if she paused she would freeze and never move. She reached the kitchen. Walking faster she was almost out. Her apartment door was getting closer and closer. And unlike any other night it was locked.  
  
She opened the door revealing an even darker hallway. Before last night she had never noticed how black the night was. She knew the door wouldn't be locked as it never was. She quietly turned the door knob, exposing herself to the inside of the apartment.  
  
Rachel could be heard, along with Joey they busied themselves with 'activities' while she snuk by the closed door. She was walking away from Joey's bedroom and her apprehensions grew short. The noises made by them was enough to tell her that they would be busy for a while.  
  
She opened the door and inside was darkness. She felt at peace she was no longer alone. He was heard breathing sleeping soundly, and this comforted her. She rubbed his face caringly, and this startled him awake.  
  
They met eyes, for the first time he saw no tears, no fear, no pain. He saw Monica. She smiled down to him, and his sleepy eyes just watched her, the light from the window made a glow around her silhouette making her look like an angel.  
  
No words were spoken, he simply peeled back the edge of the blanket and she climbed into bed with him. She snuggled down into his arms and made herself a comfortable bed there. He brought the blanket down with her and rested his arm over her. She is able to sleep now.  
  
He went through his ritual of getting back to sleep. And she loved this. He adjusted whatever clothing he seemed to be wearing in this case boxer shorts and a lose fitting T-shirt, squirmed in place for about 30 seconds sighed heavily and rested in comfort. All through this nightly ritual she smiled. He was still hers.  
  
She slid herself down and it didn't scare her the least to be so close to Joey, her Chandler would protect her. When the noises stopped she grew a bit tense but just hid herself further under the blankets. 


End file.
